ECW On SyFy Recap

* Ezekiel Jackson (w/ Vladimir Kozlov) v. Goldust

I notice they added Goldie to the intro video for ECW, which hopefully means he's here to stay for the near future. He's one of the highlights of my Tuesday nights. Goldie gets a headlock early, Zeke throws him off and lands a shoulder tackle, but misses with two elbow drops. Goldie jumps off the top rope with a clothesline but only gets one. Mathews puts over his credentials as the crowd boos Kozlov and Zeke while they consult.

Striker notes Goldie is a fan favorite because there's a little freak in all of us. Mathews calls Zeke a "juggernaut of destruction" when Goldie is floored by a right hand, and Striker is impressed enough that he says he'll write that down.

"The Book of Ezekiel talks about the end of days, and that may be near for Goldust." They're doing their best to one up each other on commentary. Zeke covers for two as Bad Vlad looks on. Zeke does what looks like a modified Masterlock then clubs him in the back and picks him up for a fallaway suplex.

One earnest fan holds up a yellow RIP CM PUNK sign as Zeke applies the hold again. Zeke goes for a big splash in the corner, Dustin catches him, but eventually topples under the weight. He applies a jawbreaker and goes for punches in the corner but gets shoved off. Zeke charges and gets a big boot for his trouble followed by an elbow. He whips Goldie into the ropes and Dustin turns it into a bulldog for 2. Flatliner! Goldust climbs the ropes, Vlad causes a distraction by jumping to the apron, Zeke takes advantage to yank on the ropes then pulls Goldie up for the one-handed chokeslam and a 3 count. WINNER: EZEKIEL JACKSON.

Vlad attacks him for good measure and the two leave together, then we get highlights from Regal and Tatsu on last week's show. As you may recall Regal was so peeved about his loss that he and his flunkies attacked Christian and Ryder during the overrun. Tonight Christian and Tatsu will take on Regal and Ryder in the main event to get revenge but first, these commercial messages. When we come back Master Regal is making a face like he's got a mouth full of sour pucker.

His expression doesn't get any better when Zack Ryder gets in his face and says he's not so tough without his goons around... at which point his goons come up behind him. "Now our very blonde General Manager, in her limited wisdom, has put us together. Now unless you want worse than you got last week you'll do exactly what I say. Do you understand me?" Ryder manages to gulp out "you know it" as Zeke and Vlad snarl.

* Sheamus the Pale Celtic Warrior Promo

Sheamus' music (and his pinkness himself) hit the ring. "Last week on Double-Ya Double-Ya E Superstars, I had a match with Shelton Benjamin. Technically the record books say I lost the match, but that doesn't do justice to the real story. See for yourself!" We get a recap of last week's match on video. "Nearly 10 years ago, Shelton came to Double-Ya Double-Ya E with some of the most amazing talent we've ever seen. What's he done since then? Nothin'.

He wallows in mediocrity! That's obviously not enough to make it, because he's never been to the top. I will be, and I'll use him as a stepping stone to get there. There's a lot of extra baggage around here, people who don't know what to do with themselves, so I say lead follow or get out of me way. At the end of the day there will only be one man left standing at the top - me, the Celtic Warrior, Sheamus!" The Ripper and his sister head towards the ring as we go to commercial.

* Hurricane Helms v. Pirate Paul (w/ Katie Lea)

I still can't stand the new ring announcer. I'd rather have Tony Chimel, or Howard Finkel, or Lilian Garcia, or ANYBODY who can actually sound enthusiastic and/or not like they're reading from cue cards. Paul picks up Hurricane and takes him over early, but Helms manages to shift Paul's weight and toss him off. The two get into a shove and chop fest, Hurricane sends him through the ropes, flies into him on the outside with a crossbody then throws him back in for a one count. Paul works over the left arm as the sluttier than usual katie Lea looks on.

Helms winds up on the apron, gets knocked to the floor, tries to get back up and Paul knocks him down with a well timed shoulder, snapping his head off the pretty black mats. He posts the left shoulder into the apron before throwing Helms back in, then works that side over with knees and submissions. The crowd applauds a Helms comeback and that's the most noise they've made in this match thus far. Helms gets back to his feet and throws a few punches with his right arm, all the while holding his left. Quebrada from Hurricane for 2!

Arm wringer with a knee into the shoulder for 2. Gordbuster! Hurricane flying crossbody for 2.9. Eye of the Hurricane is blocked and Paul posts the left shoulder again. Hurricane tries a head scissors off the ropes that's blocked, then Paul hits a jackhammer dangerous buster for 3. WINNER: PIRATE PAUL BURCHILL.

Annnnd we're back from commercial at the Rupp Arena with highlights from Hell in a Cell 9 days ago plus Orton's promo on Raw the next night about beating him. Cena declares his series with Orton to be "the" rivalry, but I still like the feud between him and Edge better. Come to think of it, I like both Orton AND Edge more than Cena. Can't we have Orton retain at Bragging Rights then battle Edge when he comes back from injury? No? Oh well.

Josh Mathews and Matt Striker run down the card after the video package, noting we'll get a 1 Hour Anything Goes Iron Man Long Title match between orton and Cena. Also we've got Undertaker, Batista, CM Punk and Mysterio in a fatal four-way for Smackdown's big gold belt. Backstage Yoshi Tatsu is doing squates. Christian asks Yoshi if he's ready to go. "Yes! But very focused, very nervous." Christian and Tatsu try to "out thank" each other to get over their nerves - if you've been watching ECW regularly it's a funny spot. Commercial and our main event when we come back!

* Christian Cage & Yoshi Tatsu v. William Regal & Zack Ryder

Regal and his menacing music at the first to hit the ring at 10:49 EST, followed a minute later by OHH RADIOHHH and Ryder's one-legged trunks. Matt Striker declares WWE Smackdown vs. Raw 2010 the best game ever while noting himself "an avid gamer" as we await the arrival of the two babyfaces, Cage coming out last.

Tatsu and Ryder start the match, Tatsu handles him with ease then tags in to Christian, who knocks him two twice for two quick one counts. Ryder briefly gets the better of Christian with elbows and forearms until Christian tosses him to the outside. Regal tries to help him up, Christian dropkicks him to knock both men down, then goes flying to the outside to lay them out on the floor which is our cue for a commercial break.

Promo for Snoop Dogg hosting Raw and "possibly Cena's last match on Raw ever" next week as we return to see Christian going for a cover on William Regal. We're told Ryder tagged in Regal during the break with the admonishment if he can do any better, try. Apparently whatever issues they had were resolved because they're cutting off the ring now with quick tags and working Christian over effectively. Striker calls Regal "Kaiser Soze."

Christian finally gets away and Tatsu gets the tag, working on Ryder as he tagged in a second slower. Rollins snapmare leads to a 2 count. Regal runs a distraction so Ryder can get a two count of his own, then tags back in to do knee lifts on Tatsu. Soon enough Regal tags out to keep the ref busy on the outside while Ryder uses dirty tactics. Tatsu clubs at Ryder's back to no avail as he gets carried to the heel corner, where Regal tags in again. About 4 minutes late Mathews finally realizes what I'd been saying about the heels working together and says it himself.

Tatsu tries to fight Regal off with elbows unsuccessfully and Ryder comes back in. Roaring elbow connects and Christian gets the hot tag! Flashpoint on Ryder for 2. Regal is knocked to the floor and a springboard sunset flip gets 2. Christian's killswitched is blocked and Ryder hits an inside-out rough rider for 2.

Regal and Tatsu both fight through the ring to the floor but Regal gets the better of it, throwing Tatsu into the steps. Regal and Ryder get into an argument on the apron after he tags in. Christian takes advantage for an uppercut and the killswitch for 3! WINNERS: CHRISTIAN & TATSU. Ryder smiles smugly knowing he cost Regal the match, gloating all the way up the apron, and ECW quickly goes off the air.

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