Thing Of Honor - Week 5

Another week and another ROH on HDNet. This one looks to be a solid with a couple of guys I’ve never seen wrestle before. I am still pretending that McGuiness still has the belt but ROH isn’t hiding the fact that they are taped early. Good for them. No Sara Del Rey which kinda makes me sad. You know what? I went on Del Rey’s myspace and checked her out. It totally ruined the illusion. She is all nice and smiling. Anyway, enough with that. I cant stroke it and write this article at the same time. Yet.

First up is Jimmy Jacobs vs. Necro Butcher. I like Jacobs, as does Matt Hardy if you cant tell by his new look and copying his finisher. The fans are actually kinda cheering him. I swear if I heard Necro talk without seeing him I would think Dusty Rhodes got his lisp fixed. Aw, hell. Necro got the staple gun.

The ref fights to get the staple gun from Necro and Jacob jumps him from behind. Good for him. Necro fights back and beats Jimmy into the corner before back dropping him. We got some “Fuck him up!” chants from the crowd. Classy. Oh, now we get a handshake? Nope. Sucker punch by Necro. Jimmy is tossed outside. Ring bell nails Jacobs in the guts and then chokes him with his own coat. Almost a power bomb through a table. Reversed to a suplex on the floor. When Necro gets hurt he stays down for a while. Oh, shit! Jacobs puts a plastic bag on Necro’s head! Rake to the eyes as Necro is seated in a chair outside. Jacobs dives over the ropes and into Necro. Damn, this is the first match?

Jacobs goes for a Spear but gets popped on top of the head. A choke slam followed by a crisp ass tiger driver. Necro stops the count to his staple gun. Brodie Lee comes in to stop him. Jacobs goes for the staple gun but eats a dirty ass foot for it. The ref stops the fight. Necro wins by DQ. Odd. The plastic bag doesn’t get it. The bell doesn’t get it. The chair doesn’t get it. Actually bringing a staple gun doesn’t get it. But a run in does?

Backstage Durden interviews Brent Albright. I like Brent. He looks like Kanyon but not gay. I still wonder why this guy didn’t go further in WWE. Oh, well. Their loss is ROH’s gain. Is it sad that Durden, and interviewer, looks tougher than many indie guys?

Sami Callihan is going up against Eddie Kingston. Callihan is billed from The Last House on the Left. Cool. What the hell? The crowd is going insane for Kingston. Who is this guy? Sort of a handshake to start. The crowd is going nuts for this guy! Kingston piefaces Callihan after some traded shoulder blocks. Callihan goes for a Koji Clutch but it gets broken up. “Fuck him up!” chants for Eddie. Nice overhead belly to belly by Eddie. Callihan fights dirty. Chop trades. Eddie wins. Not the match. The chop fest. “One more time!” chant by the crowd. Now a slap fight. I would never engage in a slap fight, I tell you what.

Suplex blocked so fuck it. Punch him in the eye and choke him on the ropes. Headbutts in the corner stopped by a big boot by Eddie. Fuck, Eddie nails him with a hard head butt! Plants him with a slam for a two count. Sami is bleeding. Snap twisting back suplex for two by Sami. Thanks for the commentators for mentioning the blood and not pretending it doesn’t exist like WWE. A spinning back fist by Eddie after a back drop drive ends this for Sami. Eddie wins. Shit. That was a hard ass match.

Durden is in the back with Claudio Castagnoli. Claudio makes fun or Durden’s tie and points out that his own scarf is very European and Durden’s style is American trash. Still trying to figure out if being “very European” is a good thing.

Jerry Lynn is being interviewed about being champion. Apparently fans have been bitching about him winning the title. He seems very humble about it. I have no problem with him winning. Why are people upset about it?

Bobby Dempsey is up next. I have never seen this tub of goo wrestle. He has finishers? The Vader Bomb is one of them? He’s facing some jobber whose name I don’t even hear. Jobber starts off beating on Bobby. Apparently his name is Cassidy. Death Valley Driver wins in less than 30 seconds. Shit. Dempsey ends this fast. That was quick. He looks like Super Crazy if he let himself go. Oh, wait…

Something called Buzz Words with Erik Stevens. Just him describing himself. Kinda cool.

Cheech & Cloudy vs. Rhett Titus and Kenny King. Their combined weight is Bubba Ray Dudley. “Brother, brother, brother. The thrust is a must!” by Titus. That was gross. He’s handing out room keys to chicks in the crowd. That is horrible. They shake hands and Titus tries to make him touch his package. My, God. The crowd is chanting “You’re a virgin!” King and Cheech start off. Armbar reversals before a tag to Titus. Or was there? Titus is getting nailed in the corner by Cheech who looks like a clean Briscoe Brother. Cloudy tagged in. He gets a flying knee from the apron by King. Damn, that looked like it hurt. King gets a suplex rolled into punches on Cloudy. They are beating this kids ass.

Titus thrusts and almost gets pinned by Cloudy. King clotheslines the shit out of Cloudy! Cloudy gets a sunset flip for a two count before tagging in Cheech. Cheech does a fucking cartwheel on the top rope (I am serious) before super kicking King. Top rope flipping slam by Cheech using Cloudy onto King before it gets broken by Titus. 619/dropkick combo nails Titus. King tosses Cloudy outside and then he and Titus nail a Blockbuster/power bomb combo for the win. That was fantastic. Cloudy is still laying outside the ring. The replay of the finish shows that Titus started humping Cheech during the pin. Gotta love White Boy Humor.

Now its time to get European! Claudio comes out for the main event. He is announced in kilos. Fucking foreign math. His scarf does look nice I have to admit. He makes a guy at ringside get on his knees so he can get into the ring. Brent Albright comes out to cheers. Claudio attacks him before the bell even rings. Brent chops the shit out of Claudio outside. Brent hasn’t even taken his coat off. A spinning backbreaker to Claudio in the ring. European uppercuts to Brent in the corner. After more back and forth on the floor Brent starts hitting suplexes on Claudio. Time for the flying European uppercut and the big swing. A bicycle kick followed by a pin attempt gets only a two. While Claudio argues he gets Crowbar’d. Brent goes for a flying cross body (my spell check hates wrestling by the way) for two. A half nelson suplex gets blocked by Claudio followed by a pin with the help of the ropes. Claudio wins and we’re done for the week.

This was a really good show. Even though there are guys you’ve never heard of or seen ROH is still able to put on a better hour of wrestling than TNA or WWE. Hell, my only complaint was the lack of Sara Del Rey. Giggity.

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