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3.18.2009

You Idiots!

Odd title? Or is it a statement made by the bookers of the E, who are force feeding us a bunch of bull week after week? Don't know if anyone noticed this, but over the last two weeks the "Raw" ratings have dropped. It's supposed to be rising, remember they're building to WrestleMania.

Take a look at what you're seeing on television right now. With Jericho/Legends, HBK/Michaels, and Hardy/Hardy leading the way as most interesting, that leaves a pretty big void in the rest of the card. Please notice something about those matches.

With the exception of Taker's streak nothing is on the line.

Finally, the unified WWE Tag Team Championships will come to fruition at WrestleMania. Smart move would be to put it on the team that is over, marketable, and has legs. That would be MnM. Carlito and Primo will get the belts, that's just how it works now.

Let me cut to the chase, here's the card, so far. WWE Title, Triple H vs. Randy Orton, World Title Edge (c) vs. John Cena vs. The Big Show, Jeff Hardy vs. Matt Hardy, Shawn Michaels vs. The Undertaker World & WWE Tag-Titles The Miz & John Morrison vs. The Colons, 3-On-1 Handicap Match Chris Jericho vs. Roddy Piper, Ricky Steamboat & Jimmy Snuka (w/ Ric Flair), Money in the Bank Ladder Match and a 25-Diva Battle Royal. A 25 Diva battle royal? Was the ECW title not available?

WrestleMania dammit. It should be like I was ten years ago. I should be on the verge of getting backhanded by my mom because I'm getting on her nerves about buying a PPV that won't even be on for a few more weeks. Instead, I'm sitting here writing an article about what's wrong with the show. I don't want to be negative. What choice do I have?

This is just bad. Don't get me wrong, the card isn't a terrible card. That's the problem. It's just a card though. Any card, for any show, 364 days a year. Yes I left out a day, but that's the day of WrestleMania. It's right there with the SuperBowl and Tapioca day.

Here's the thing I'm ponderizing. Yes, it's a word, just don't check. Why in God's name would you have the same thing end "Raw" each week on the way to WrestleMania? Give us a cliffhanger. Not a cliffhanger with the same guy or guys. How many times can we see John Cena in one situation or another. It's still John Cena.

Not that it is John Cena. It really isn't that. It could be Shark Boy they've done this with for five years, and that'd be boring now too. It's the fact that it's the same thing week after week time after time. Sometimes in life the hero doesn't win. Sometimes in fiction the hero doesn't win. In wrestling John Cena wins.

Even John Cena fans aren't excited by this anymore. They know he's going to win. They know they won't be surprised in any way. Like was said in the comments of the "Raw" report. Cena took things that would make a normal worker nearly dead. He just sat there and coughed a few times.

Who will leave Mania as champ? Most likely John Cena. There is a 99.999% chance it will be Cena. Nobody wants to see that. Sure it'll get a pop, but what was gained? What can be gained? Nothing, it's happened so many times before, it can't be done any other ways. Which leads me to my next point, although a controversial one.

Get the belt off of Triple H. Keep the belt off of Triple H. He's feeding his ego, he wants to pass Flair, he's going to pass Flair. It will go down as one of the biggest bastardizations of a meaningful wrestling record. Unless you ask Vince Russo, but I don't think anyone cares.

Flair's championships had meaning. Flair as a worker had meaning. Triple H is an incredible worker. He just isn't that entertaining. He's a terrible actor. He can do DX humor. He can do badass intimidator. What he can't do is anything else. He can go into epileptic shock when he's pissed though. The man can do that.

On his own he merrited a few World Championships, but why more than Flair? I won't answer, I'll let you do that. I know this H/Orton angle has some legs, but the build was too late to let it build enough, and if you're playing on the past, you're going to far and not for enough.

The two World title matches shouldn't be world title matches. They should just be matches on the card. Orton should be in the title picture yes, and maybe even for this event, Triple H just shouldn't be his opponent, at least not as champion. Chris Jericho could be putting the belt on the line against one or all of these legends.

Sure the legend wouldn't win the belt, but he could. It would be that last gasp chance for a true wrestling legend, a great champion (or not champion) to regain, or finally gain the glory he worked so hard for in years gone by. That's something people would want to see. There's one more title(actually two, but whatever) so what could be done with it?

You have a brother vs. brother match where one is so incredibly over it's unreal, the other was, and went heel, and now he's a great heel. These two have worked this into a pressure cooker of issues. Matt should have instead of "costing" Jeff the belt helped him win or retain it, so at WrestleMania the brothers could go at it and see who really is the better man. This time with a title on the line.

I'm not going to get into fantasy booking, because I like to be somewhat rational with that. With what's going on in the WWE Universe right now there is nothing rational about it. I'm going to leave the comment section wide ass open. Comment on my article, do your own fantasy booking. Tell me how your mom's doing, or your mom's mom. Actually, I'm really interested to know how your mom's cousin's daughter's best friends sister is doing, and if she's single and built nicely.


4 comments: on "You Idiots!"

Evitman said...

Let's look at a few of these matches and see if we can make them better.

Jericho/Legends: Though I think it is being booked just because it is WM 25, I think it would be better if Jericho was just the mouthpiece. I would prefer the Legends going against somebody on the roster that more exemplifies there style of wrestling: Knox or Kozlov.

HBK/Undertaker: Though I like your idea of a HBK/Michaels match, I don't see how that is possible. But could you just imagine HBK pre-DX against the current incarnation of Mr. WM? Now that is fantasy booking! Anyways, this match I still believe needs a Streak versus Retirement stipulation. For one it would make it seem that Undertaker might loose. For another I think HBK needs a break from all he's been through the past year. Maybe come back on SummerSlam?

Colons/MnM: Have to agree with you on this one, cause if Morrison was in the MitB, he would have been the odds on favorite.

MiTB: Does anybody really see all of these guys being in the match? Shit, if the last ppv would show you, it looks like somebody's head going to be kicked in before they get to the ring.....sorry, Kofi.

And the one match that hasn't been setup yet on the card, but will probably be by next week: Rey Mysterio/JBL. Now, this match will probably be better if they give JBL his historic match: Title versus Mask. As this has never been done before at a WM, it would give JBL his mark in history he wants. the problem with this, is WWE may never take off Rey's Mask as he get's so much from merch sales. So the match would be a let down because we would know the decision before the bell even rings.

My mom's doing fine.
My mom's mom is doing fine in Vietnam.
My mom's cousin's daughter's best friends sister is a little Vietnamese 25 year old, built very nice. Unfortunately, she is engaged to the 300 pound Samoan that has been literally hammering her for the last 2 years.

Dante said...

Excitement Scale For Dante Rating (ESFD) 1-5

If Orton doesn’t beat HHH I riot. I will set my own bathroom on fire and scream like a madman. It has to happen. HHH is a very lame champ now. He needs a makeover or something. He’s gotten so stale. Hopefully Randy kicks him in the head and HHH can go film a movie. Remember, his kick is the equivilent of American Idol. “You’re going to Hollywood!” ESFD - 2

I couldn’t care less about the Edge/Show/Cena match. I have seen them in the ring far too often the past few weeks (maybe months) to care who gets the belt. I’m still confused over the title situation. Is Edge the Raw champ since he beat Cena? ESFD - 1

I was excited about the Matt & Jeff feud. But the promos have not been the hotness. Plus Jeff lost what he had fought for so long and didn’t show the same craziness he showed against Undertaker and Kozlov. That would have been cool. Let both brothers go nuts. They could’ve also added some drama by having Helms involved (not just being destroyed), Cham Pain, and bringing in Joey Matthews or Shannon Moore. They have had OMEGA on their damned roster! ESFD - 3

MnM vs. The Colons. I just don’t care. I forgot that there were two different titles. I also forgot that the Colons had belts! They have made the tag belts mean that much. ESFD - 1

Jericho vs. The Legends. Don’t like the choices. I like Steamboat and all but, meh. Let me fantasy book. This feud would have been perfect for Orton. It was better when he did it. If Jericho had beaten up Dusty, Snuka, Million Dollar Man, or Flair and had one of their kids defend his honor that would’ve been awesome. But they didn’t and now the storyline has gotten stale. ESFD - 2

Money In The Bank. I honestly don’t care. This doesn’t need to happen every year. it’s a spot fest and cant top previous ones unless someone dies in the ring. Watch Kofi or Rey get hurt and Evan Bourne get placed in the match. ESFD - 1

Diva Battle Royal. No Moolah, Sherri, Chyna, or Sable = ESFD - 1

Taker vs. HBK should be cool to watch but we know Taker isn’t going to lose. Maybe they will pull some double count out shit or something. I want to be really excited but since there wasn’t a longer build because HBK was in the feud with JBL for so long it didn’t happen and actually made that feuds ending feel rushed. ESFD - 4

So, I’ll be watching online somewhere. No way in hell I’m paying full price-a-luz for a show that feels like a three hour Raw.

Anonymous said...

This just means TNA is finally getting the respect they deserve lol

Anonymous said...

Just on a tip the reason they are doing Jericho vs Legends is to promote and advertize their new "Legends of Wrestlemania" Game which comes out March 24th.

Featured in this game are
Andre the Giant, Hulk Hogan, The Rock, Stone Cold, Brutus Beefcake (Which I found funny after the gimmick infringement that accured during Hogan's CCW), Sheik, Bobby the Brain, Slaughter, HBK, Big John Studd, JYD, Jimmy Snukka, Bam Bam Bigelo, Jimmy Hart, Dusty Rhodes, LOD, British Bulldog, Piper, Debiase, Valentine, Hacksaw,
Hart Foundation, Yokozunna, Fuji, Honkey Tonk, Jake Roberts, Rick Rude, King Kong Bundy, Volkolf, HHH, Kamala, Flair, Arn, Undertaker, Paul Bearer, Perfect, Big Boss Man, PS Hayes, Warrior, Koko

Already inducted are Andre, Hogan, Studd, Bobby the Brain, Bret Hart, Valentine, Dusty, Jimmy Hart, Snuka, JYD, Flair, Fuji, Volkolf, Piper, Shiek, Slaughter and then Koko and Stone Cold being nominated this year so far.

I would not be surprised if we saw Beefcake, Bam Bam, LOD, Davey Boy, Debiase, Hacksaw, Yoko, HTM, Roberts, Rude, Bundy, Kamala, Arn, Paul Bearer, Boss Man, and PS Hayes all inducted as well to hype this game.

What really “Grinds my Gears Diane” is the fact that they did not put Steamboat or Savage in this game….I am hoping that it is unlockable content!!!

Sorry for the tangent lol

Will have a review for the game in the next few days