You know I don't usually give "Raw" enough credit. The opening montage complete with movie trailer music and all is actually a pretty good tension builder. Thing is, I almost never see it because the Fast Forward button on my PVR works on overdrive during your average "Raw" broadcast.This week, however, I did my best to give the old Double F device a rest. There is great emotion involved in the angle with Randy Orton and Triple H. What better than avenging the beatdown of your wife? And kudos to the E for just saying "Fuck it already" and breaking kayfabe to admit Hunter and Stephanie McMahon are married.
The heat in this feud is so good, you forget that there is a WWE title involved. In fact, it seems WWE has forgotten that as well.
Since Randy Orton won the Royal Rumble match, there has been very little to no talk about his "choosing" of a championship to go after. This is the first time in recent history that such a thing has occured. It's pretty much a lock that John Cena and Edge will continue their feud on both "Raw" and "SmackDown!" to vie for the World Heavyweight Championship. (Just imagine the heat if Cena were to FU, excuse me Attitude Adjustment, Vickie Guerrero! See how stupid the name of that move is??).
Anyways, back to my point, Orton hasn't officially challenged Triple H for his title at WrestleMania 25 but clearly the feud he's embroiled in with Hunter makes that match signed and sealed. It begs the question, should the title even be involved here? Orton and Hunter are doing an awesome job of hating each other's guts enough as it is.
I'm interested to know when/if the WWE title is going to make its way into any form of significance throughout this storyline.
Speaking of significance of titles, the Intercontinental Championship continues to have none. Even after a "prestigious" tournament, this belt still isn't worth being defended at the Grandest Stage Of Them All. Last year's winner of the Money In The Bank match and current IC champ, CM Punk, qualified last night to fight for the MITB title once again.
What is it now? Seven 'Manias in a row with no IC title defense? What the fuck? And how obvious was it that Punk was going over against Miz and Morrison in the three way qualifier last night? The tag champs were 1) bound to turn on each other and fuck it up for both of them 2) remain tag champs as opposed to having one guy split from the other in his 'Mania match and 3) obviously not going to beat last year's Mr. Money In The Bank. I mean, a guy's gotta "defend his title", right?
On last week's episode of Tha O Show Radio Program, Big Daddy Donnie argued the merit of Santino Marella's ability to be a good heel. A guy who could elicit hate, in spite of laughs, and NOT sell merch as a true bad guy should. He was right. Santino is well-loved even if marks want to pretend they don't like him. The Santino t-shirts strewn throughout the audience (and even noticeable backstage) prove the guy is over...but perhaps in the wrong way.
But I don't care...heel or not, the dude is entertaining. But speaking of the "wrong way", Don and I also discussed the importance of a guy losing matches in a way that wasn't 1) overly fake 2) a complete burial or 3) not in keeping with the character of the loser. Now, while losing is in keeping with Santino's character, the WAY he loses is becoming intolerable.
Yes, I know...here I go again. But I don't care...I can only laugh so much. Santino gets bust by Shad Gaspard within seconds of entering the mixed six man tag match last night for the first time. Dispicable. Getting pinned immediately by the black John Cena (I HATE the "Money Money Yeah Yeah" elbow drop!) is unacceptable. Give the guy a break and let him attempt a move!
Shutup Donnie.
I've been ragging on Tazz pretty often during Tha O Show. Dude even has his own theme music for "Tazz Is A Fuckin' Goof" during our illustrious "Os And NOs" segment. In fairness, Jerry Lawler deserves a mini-segment too. 'Cause "King Is A Fuckin' Moron!".
Here's how he describes an upcoming offensive move in the triple threat match...by the way, I'm paraphrasing, I couldn't be bothered to right this down word for word: "This could either be good or bad". After seeing the move: "I guess it's bad". Idiot.
After HBK gets hit in the face by JBL: "Was that a tooth that flew?" Now how many times have we all seen Shawn Michaels spit after getting hit in the face? It's classic. Now how many times did you actually think it was a tooth that flew out of his mouth? Jerry doesn't even put any effort into having the audience believe the bullshit he says.
As far as the HBK/JBL match goes, I am thoroughly dissapointed in where this angle has gone. These are two of WWE's greatest workers. They were thrown into a bullshit-ass storyline that they actually managed to make compelling. Then the E dropped the ball. Why this feud didn't culminate in a major brawl at 'Mania is beyond me. But to have it fizzle out on "Raw" the way it did is utter and complete kneeness.
And now I come to find out AFTER ALL THAT, the match between HBK and JBL wasn't even to decide who fights The Undertaker at WrestleMania! Vladmir Kozlov has thrown himself into the mix and is now almost certain to be Taker's next victim. Clearly, Michaels and Taker would be the much more compelling match. Maybe, just maybe there is still hope for an HBK/JBL match at 'Mania. But the ones they've had on "Raw" have let the steam out of this feud.
On a side note, why the fuck do mark-ass fans count Shawn's foot stomps before he goes for the Sweet Chin Music? So gay.
Add Jamie Noble to the Santino Marella job squad. Why does creative feel that somehow it's an effective marketing tool to have a guy last under a half a minute in each of his matches? What is this leading to? And isn't he a heel? Why is he losing to other heels like Mike Knox and Kane? Or is he a face? I'm so damn confused. I don't know who's on what "brand" or who hates who anymore. Vince really must have been kicked in the head at point or another.
Big O for Ricky "The Dragon" Steamboat getting his rightful spot in the WWE Hall of Fame. He was undoubtedly one of my favourite wrestlers coming up. Agile, high flying and technical, Steamboat's matches were always a pleasure to watch. The much talked-about WrestleMania III match for YES...the Intercontinental Championship definitely lives up to all the hype.
His feud with Savage was one of the best I had ever seen growing up as a young wrestling fan. His expected back and forth with Jericho wasn't too too bad last night on "Raw". Interestingly, I think that's the most I've heard "The Dragon" speak on television. Maybe ever. Jericho definitely seemed to have a lot of worked "shoot" things to say about the Fed. I don't care what Donnie says, I still find him interesting.
Couldn't Vickie have just introduced Chavo as the member of her family who would be facing John Cena BEFORE stating the friggin' obvious?: That Cena would NOT be facing Edge for the World Heavyweight Championship. Chavo Guerrero has definitely joined the ranks of Santino Marella and Jamie Noble on Team Job-u-laz! Wack.
Anyone else notice how much Orton's sledgehammer bounced the fuck around after he dropped it? More rubber in that thing than a Trojan box. But Hunter's second one definitely seemed legitalaz. Too bad his "attempts" to nail Orton and Ted DiBiase with it were so far from legit. Ah well...I guess you can't really kill the muhfugga who is the top heel on "Raw". Somebody's gotta keep me watching.Tha Results:
*John Cena def. Chavo Guerrero
*Mike Knox def. Jamie Noble
*Shawn Michaels def. JBL
*Women’s Champion Melina & Cryme Tyme def. Glamarella & Dolph Ziggler
*Intercontinental Champion CM Punk def. World Tag Team Champions The Miz & John Morrison in a Triple Threat Money in the Bank Qualifying Match
14 comments: on "Tha Raw Report"
In the "King is a Fuckin' Moron" department, did anyone else hear him say something about Undertaker having some sort of home field advantage because Wrestlemania was going to be in Texas? If I remember correctly, aren't ALL THREE GUYS involved in the angle (well, it was three guys until Kozlov popped up at the end of the match) from Texas? That's definitely a worthy induction to the "_________ is a Fuckin' Goof/Moron" section.
Man, there is too much bed shittery g'wan on here! They are giving us JBL/HBK for free? Why? This shit could've gone on for months and it would've been good. Damn you Freddie Prinze for leaving. I blame you.
I guess Noble got forreals hurt during his match with Necro Butche--Mike Knox. I dont get what's the point of having Knox and Kane trade off on beating up small dudes. Who does this help? It seems to only hurt guys. Literally.
Legacy is looking weaker by the minute. Hmm. I am thinking letting Manu go may have been a mistake.
I actually watched all of Raw which I haven't done in about 2 months and there are doing their best (and are succeeding) at hyping Wrestlemania. I do feel the exact same way about the Orton match being for the best. This match doesn't need a belt. They've done a great job in starting the feud without a word about the title. I say Orton wins it (yes Trips will do the job again at mania), and they have some no holds barred match in the PPV afterward. Then HHH wins the belt again and becomes 14 time champ (hey i don't like the way it sounds), but it does sound like Fed logic.
I can see Koslov getting the shot and beating the Taker. I feel that it would cement Viadmir as a true heel. Again, I don't like that decision as I'm a huge Taker mark, but they've build Kozlov as a decent monster and he's already been pinned at NWO so WWE logic would say Taker gets a loss.
I don't think the problem lies with Santino, or any of the other heels for that matter. Yes, Donnie made a logical argument about heels, but unfortunately, for that to work, you have to assume that WWE is always logical, and they're not. They want as many people as they can to be marketable, so you then see a glut of "cool heels" or "funny heels" who are supposed to be bad guys, but whom a large percentage of the audience like anyway. You know that something is out of whack when, by the given definition, The Miz is a better heel than John Morrison. Maybe that's why WWE is trying to cater more to kids these days, kids don't look at heels the way older fans do.
ever since king has turned face he has been pissing me off.
When i was watching RAW i was saying to myself "Dan-e-o better make a king is a fucking goof song"
Here's an idea for a segment-
"Every Commentator Not Named Matt Striker Sucks".
Michael Cole had the hardest time calling Stef and Trips husband and wife... cause apparently trips is the wife
I loved RAW dude
Triple H was better than Jason with that damn Sledge Hammer on RAW
Randy Orton almost got KILLED
....RAW was so good I like Cena now....not in the ring still but thats WWE's Fault so he's cool with me now
....lets just hope Edge and Cena don't fight at Wrestlemania
Having just watched the Hell in A Cell DVD I noted the commentary from the Taker-Michaels match and noted how good Lawler was as the Heel commentator.
You just don't seem to get this on the 3 WWE shows and TNA now, the closest to it is Striker but even he isn't overly Heel.
get back to the days of face commentator with heel co-commentator, it's more fun, can make a dull match more entertaining. We've not seen it since JBL came back to the ring!
Good onya Scottdog
It's about time someone asked why are all the commentators now, faces ??
The best colour commentators have all been heels, think Bobby "the brain" Heenan,Jeese the body & Jerry "the king" Lawler
Yes The King, when he first came to the WWE he was as big a heel as the Brain,the Body.He's fued with Bret Hart & the Hart family was classic.
How about a Cole Is A Fucking Gimp segment?
One thing I noticed during the Jericho/Steamboat segment that's been bugging me for a while is that the Raw announce team is suffering from "Don West Syndrome", that is that really bad things are happening in the ring and the announcers are basically just, "look at that". After Jericho twats Ricky, Cole's just, "Shit, Jericho's hit another OAP. But Vicky's the GM..." If it was me doing the PBP, I'd at least try to put over the attack as something outraging an unexpected. I'd be all, "Ladies and gentlemen, I apologise on behalf of Tha Fed for what you have just seen, Jericho has been escorted out of the building by security..." Hell, Mike Knox could molest an underage fan live on air and King and Cole would be all, "Oh crap, this is a bit odd. But Triple H has a new shirt out."
Speaking of H, he doesn't half look FUCKING FAT when he runs. His posture's all wrong. I didn't buy him as the fucked-off guy out for revenge, purely because he... storms to the ring. Then hesitates. THen gets in the ring. Then hesitates. Corners Orton. Hesitates. If a bloke's hit your wife, you don't care if he's got ten friends with him, you JUMP ON THE BASTARD. The first few hesitations are exactly what usually leads up to a treacherous heel turn.
And I know WWE is kayfabe free right now, but man I hated the camera cuts during the chase. You know what would have put the whole thing over as dangerous? Have one cameraman manage to get into the locker room with Legacy, and get shoved to the floor by Orton as he shits himself trying to block the door. Then have H crash through it. Document it all shaky-cam, Blair Witch style. Feels more shoot, more dangerous.
Oh, and I like how it took H a couple of moments of kicking the door before realising he was holding a FUCKING SLEDGE. But I digress.
I get why Santino is doing the jobbing. I don't have a problem with how he jobs... except now I think it's overdone. We need more. I'd so have it so he's winning matches due to Diva (ugh) intervention. And I don't mean women tripping his opponents, I mean women coming in and fighting the whole fucking match for him. It would be brilliant if Marella's getting his hole handed to him by someone, he grabs the ref,and Beth, Ev (AKA "Paycheck Girl) and maybe some others run in and proceed to beat the shit out of the opponent. And again, it leads to that Santino's Lady Stable idea.
Fuck, you could call it Santino's Signore (Santino's Ladies)!
I don't have a problem with the whole monsters-squashing-tiny-midcarders thing. THey're old school, they make Knox and K*ne look good, Noble gets a paycheck, everyone's happy!
Cena's promo got a bit grating, but at least he mostly refrained from shouting. I tend to favour his attempts to be funny over his attempts to be threatening like last week, because his smart-aleck lines are more believable, if no less grating. I mean, hell, I didn't fast forward through this one. And his match was mercifully short, saving us his "dancing the robot" selling technique.
Wait a minute... speaking of tiny midcarders and shite selling... did we ACTUALLY just experience a Rey-less Raw? Wow. Now why didn't they keep him off TV LAST week and put over a fucking Chamber head injury as something vaguely harmful?
With all these semi-lengthy posts recently, I think it's only fair that I'm the one booked in a feud with Casur for column writing duties. *Laughs*
FUCKING LOVE EDGE ! The promo was once again GOLD! Was i the only one who found it amusing that every time they would shoot Cena in the ring,you would hear cheers but when they cut to the stands nobody was clapping or cheering for him? Nice to see Steamboat on tv and i actually liked his promo,but how is it that week in and week out,these legends all come out and manage to get their asses kicked by Jericho and not one single worker comes out? Come on! The angle just shits in the face of logic. Jericho is a good heel but he's no Bad Ass! I like the HHH/Orton fued and where it's going,but i still say that now that the kayfabe has been dropped and the Triple H/Step marriage is now part of the storyline,how do they write this shit in the future When Vince comes back on tv,as we all know he will,how do they write Triple H's character? Is he a heel married to the bosses daughter? Is he an anti-McMahon Face who is married to the bosses daughter? Do they pull the old"hostile takeover"bit that they've already done? If they were smart they would have had him turn heel because i see them fucking up what could have been a great storyline for Orton and just shitting all over it.
Well, when McMahon got hurt before he screamed for Paul, er, Hunter.
Everybody talks about how WWE is going to the kiddie shows...which is a damn shame. Because of this we will never see these names for finishers:
Asian Mist - Bukkake Blast
Rikishi Stinkface - ATM
Great Kahli Big Boot - Camel toe
Santino/Ziggler losing to Cryme Time: Never thought I would ever hear Dan-e-o wanting the Black men to lose.
And yes I still want Santino to win MITB.
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