Tha A List Analysis: ECW Recap

Courtesy of AngryMarks.com:

It's the ECW recap, because you GOTS TO GIVE THE PEOPLE... GIVE THE PEOPLE WHAT THEY WAAAANT! The show open is a teaser for what's to come later - Christian v. Jack Swagger for that coveted ECW Championship.

Cue the pyro and ballyhoo and we're not-so-live from Nashville, Tennessee! Todd Grisham is PUMPED for tonight's main event. Matt Striker says the eyes of the world are fixed on ECW's main event tonight. Personally my eyes are fixed on Alicia Fox as she dances in the ring. Too bad that douche DJ Gabriel is with her. Here comes Mark Henry!

* Mark Henry v. DJ Gabriel

He's THE ROOT OF ALL EVIL and THE WEAK FEAR HE. Well not really - but he is very big, very strong, and looks very intimidating inside a wrestling ring. That's our Mark Henry! Commentary puts him over as the strongest human being on the planet. To prove the point Henry picks up and throws Gabriel with ease. Gabriel tries to make a comeback with shoulder tackles coming off the ropes and they're a total waste of time.

Henry reportedly said "This isn't Dancing With the Stars, this is WWE." Comments like that only make Mark Henry the face in my eyes, especially since Gabriel's 2009 Disco Inferno act is wasted on me. Henry punches him right in the throat and applies a chinlock, and this match has already gone three minutes longer than it needed to. What? We've only been on the air for three minutes? Doesn't matter, I meant what I said. Gabriel goes for the tired old "chop down the tree" routine then hits a double axe handle off the top. He goes for a crossbody off the top and you won't be surprised to know he leaps right into The World's Strongest Slam for the three count.

WINNER: MARK HENRY. "Beat him up! (Beat him up!) Break his neck! (Break his neck!)"

Commercial break with a teaser for Swagger v. Christian later tonight along with a promo for WrestleMania 25.

Evan Bourne highlight reel when we return.

* TJ Wilson err Tyson Kidd (w/ Natalya) v. Matt Boyce

Jobber squash match anyone? Boyce is quickly hoisted up and slammed down on his chest, then Kidd rides on Boyce's back all the way to the ropes. The ref calls for him to break clean and Kidd backs away laughing. Kidd takes Boyce down aggressively and grabs onto the arm like he's going for an armbar or kimura. Boyce manages to get Kidd down for a half second but Kidd responds by taking his opponent down with kicks then laying in ground and pound.

Elbow to the head for good measure when the ref breaks it. Kidd locks on a triangle choke. Boyce tries to roll out, Kidd gives him a knee lunge to the face for good measure. Spinning dropkick levels Boyce before a flying elbow finishes the job(ber).

WINNER: TYSON 'THAT FUNKY FRESH' KIDD.

Another teaser for Christian v. Swagger tonight, and then one for Matt v. Jeff Hardy on Smackdown as we go to break.

Recap of the Triple H v. Randy Orton thing from Raw last night. I can't help it, I know that the script calls for Orton to play the cowardly heel and Triple H to play the bad-ass babyface, but I still find myself agreeing with Orton every promo. The McMahons are screwing him, Stephanie is a bitch, Hunter should mind his own business - I agree every single time.

* Tommy 'The Dream' Dreamer v. Paul 'The Rippa' Burchill

Katie Lea accompanies her "brother" to the ring and is the highlight of the night so far. The PG rating annoys me right now because I'd like nothing more than to see Katie Lea v. Alicia Fox in a bra & panties match. ECW could use the excitement, and besides, it's not like I expect either of them to have a REAL wrestling match. They're on TV to be eye candy, so use them as such! Oh and by the way Burchill is beating the crap out of The Dream, much as you might expect. Le sigh.

I remember a day and time in 1990's when Dreamer meant something in ECW, and a time in the early 2000's when Dreamer was over on WWE television as "The Innovator of Violence." Those days are sadly long gone. Clothesline bulldog elbow drop from Dreamer on the comeback gets a two count. He misses a charge to the corner, eats an elbow to the face, but Dreamer avoids offense off the ropes and catapults him into said same corner.

Tree of woe applied, E, C, W, but the dropkick misses when Katie Lea pulls her brother to safety. Suddenly Boogeyman's music hits and he tries unsuccessfully to pull her under the ring. While Burchill is distracted by this Dreamer spins him around and hits a DDT for 3. Dreamer gets his first win in five tries!

WINNER: TOMMY DREAMER. After a replay we see Christian Cage walking backstage and go to commercial break, which includes a teaser for Kane on ECW next week.

* Jack Swagger {C} v. Christian Cage (ECW Championship Match)

Christian comes out first, and by 9:37 EST both men are in the ring. Tony Chimel makes sure to give us the "big match introduction" for both competitors. Christian counters an early takedown, fights off a waistlock, but finally can't stop Swagger from picking him up and throwing him down for a big slam. Christian gets up slowly and circles warily. Swagger pushes him into the corner, the ref calls for a clean break, Christian ducks a cheap shot and hits a few blows followed by a baseball slide and spin kick that knocks Swagger down for a one count.

Swagger picks up Christian again, he counters out, but Swagger picks him up and starts attacking him pillar to post, in each corner of the ring. Hard irish whips back and forth before Christian finally spins out and kicks him through the ropes, then pulls the ropes down when Swagger charges him so Swagger wipes out on the floor. Springboard dive off the ropes to the outside to wipe Swagger out! We go to commercial.

It's not long after break before we're back out on the floor though, with ECW eating the ring steps, and wincing in pain as his left arm "is suffering from nerve damage" from the attack according to Matt Striker. Swagger sells this idea by working it over when we come back in. Swagger applies a mock armbar to increase the pain, and Christian sells.

"LET'S GO CHRISTIAN" chants are actually pretty loud during this segment. It seems enough of the crowd either watches ECW or remembers Christian from his WWE days to get behind him during this match. Swagger lays into him with knees and Christian flops to the apron, hanging half in and half out of the ring, as we go to another break.

We come back at 9:53 EST and Striker is putting over the idea that Christian has a "grade 3 seperation" or a dislocated shoulder. Swagger stays on offense, putting Christian up on the top rope, going up for a possible suplex, but Christian knocks him off with a boot and leaps off with a missile dropkick. Both men are down and getting up slow. Christian hulks up, starts socking Swagger in the face, jumps on his back to stretch him out in the ropes, then goes up to the top rope to come off with a headbut... that misses. Northern lights suplex by Swagger for two.

Gutwrench powerbomb blocked, Unprettier blocked, Christian cracks Swagger to the mat for a 2.9 count. Belly to belly suplex by Swagger for 2. Christian tries to roll up the shoulders for two and the whole crowd counts along. Swagger thinks he's tossed Christian out, but Christian gets to the apron, goes top rope, and this time the headbutt connects! 2.999.

The crowd is definitely buzzing now. Swagger posts Christian into the corner, but he fights out with elbows and hits a DDT where he lands on his gimpy left arm, wasting time selling it before making the cover for 2. Christian tries an Unprettier but his arm is hurt and he can't finish making the turn, and Swagger counters into an Oklahoma Bomb for the pin.

WINNER AND STILL ECW CHAMPION: JACK SWAGGER.

Swagger is successful in his third title defense, but Christian came THAT CLOSE. Christian sells in the ring as we go off the air.

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