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12.26.2008

WWE-w Kids!

I don’t like kids. Seriously. I don’t. Especially the kids that run around nowadays. They’re just a bunch of spoiled brats that ruin everything. Why am I not shocked that they are killing my wrestling?

One of the biggest problems I have with it in regards to wrestling is that its causing the sport to have an identity crisis. They want to market this stuff to kids and cater to older fans at the same time. You know what? I’m lying my ass off. They aren’t catering to older fans. They are creating a new breed of wrestling fans. And what does this new breed want? It doesn’t matter what they want! This is what they’re getting.

Interviews. Lots of Interviews.



My, God, there are a lot of interviews nowadays. Now don’t get me wrong, a ton of stars were made on their interview skills alone. A lot of stars were also killed by how bad their interviews were. Some guys I could’ve gone my whole life without hearing their voice and been fine. This is the case with the product right now. There used to be segments where guys could air their shit. Piper’s Pit, The Barber Shop, The Funeral Parlor, The Flower Shop, The Snake Pit, The King’s Court, The Brother Love Show, and The Heartbreak Hotel. That’s just some of the segments I remember watching when I was little. Now we have Carlito’s Cabana, The Cutting Edge, The Highlight Reel, The VIP Room. Can anyone recall anything cool from the last group of shows I just mentioned? Don’t worry. I’ll be in the bathroom while you think of something. And I’m not even counting things like HHH coming out and rambling for 20 minutes about the same shit every week. Kids nowadays don’t care. Back in the day when these interviews took place you knew something awesome was about to happen. Now you know you have a good half hour to go do whatever you want. Like change the channel.

Tits and Ass.

Yeah, this may sound odd seeing as how the sport is being geared towards kids, but I know I’m not the only one to notice how many bitches (I use this term in the nicest of ways, ladies) are running around wearing close to nothing now. Think of some of the ladies you grew up watching. Miss Elizabeth, Woman, Wendi Richter, or Medusa. The first two ran around wearing ball gowns and shit that looked like prom dresses. They had class, something that is lacking with the broads nowadays. The ones they have in the ring now are nothing but eye candy for horny dads bringing their kids to the show. Do you think kids care about Michelle McCool and Maria’s wrestling skills? No. All they know is that two people without penises are in the ring and that it’s time to get some more food. “Daddy, I wanna shirt!” “Sorry, Susie. Daddy’s, uh, watching the match…”

Forced “Entertainers.”

Take it all in bitch. No, don’t you dare spit it out! Eat the whole thing! So you don’t like Cena, HHH, or Batista? Too bad because that’s who you’re getting. Oh, you wanna see more technical wrestling? Fine. Buy one of The E’s DVD’s that do nothing but remind you of what used to be great. Oh, that match with the dude that killed his family isn’t on it? Sorry. They control what you see, hear, and remember. History is rewritten with the click of a button by an editor. At least years ago there were choices. If you didn’t like Hogan you could pick Savage, Rude, Mr. Perfect, or Macho Man. Now it seems the more you boo the more they stick it in your face.

More Shows.

Damn you, kids. You get 7 hours of new TV every week. Think about that. I’m not even counting shit from Mexico that runs for 3 hours. This is just Raw, Smackdown, ECW, and TNA Impact. But the funny thing is that we, older fans, are unsatisfied. We get one or two decent matches and get our hopes up. “Hey, man! It’s about to turn around!” No. It was a fluke. How much actual wrestling goes on in those 7 hours of shows combined? Maybe an hour. Maybe. Casur! Research, please!

So, kids. Enjoy your “entertainers” in your “Universe.” Me, I prefer my interviews awesome, my wrestlers entertaining me by wrestling, and my chicks classy.


7 comments: on "WWE-w Kids!"

P.A. said...

Great article man. I've followed wrestling since the early 80's, and you hit every point. I can remember debuts such as Yokozuna clear as day. Now someone debuts and it's so easily forgotten. Then you had vinyettes like Mr. Perfects. Vinny Mac needs to look in the mirror and go back to a simpler style of the product.

Christian said...

At least years ago there were choices. If you didn’t like Hogan you could pick Savage, Rude, Mr. Perfect, or Macho Man.

Macho Man and Savage are the same guy, but you also had guys like DiBiase, Warrior and Undertaker.

Max said...

yea that was great i agree with everything.

FUCK CENA

Dante Ross said...

Maybe Macho Man Randy Savage was so cool he deserved two mentions. Naw, I'm just fucking with you. My mistake. Thanks, Christian. Undertaker, Warrior, and DiBiase were great because you actually believed that these guys were actually like this when the cameras were off.

P.A, it seems like the guys that do get vignettes are the ones that shouldn't. They shoved the Carlito ones down our throats and all it did was expose him as Razor Ramon Lite. Or they go the Ziggler route and make it old before he shows up. They stopped showing the Kizzarny ones already so that means he'll just show up and we'll already be thinking, "Oh, right. Him."

Max, I try not to put too much hate in my articles but I'll make an exception for you. Fuck Cena. I really dont like that guy. I wish I got a dime for everytime I sighed heavily when he came out. He reminds me of my cousin. I have hated him since I was 3 (my cousin) but he doesn't know it. I dont boo him or anything but he HAS to know I cant stand him. Yet, he still wont go away or change. Funny. My cousin and Cena actually share the same first letters in their names. If Cena goes away for a year making "Scorpian King 6" or "Passenger 56: Part 3" I wont mind.

Thanks for all the responses. You guys are cool.

Nicolai said...

True, true .... Nowadays it's just completely overproduced. We got a meaningless PPV every month, 3 WWE Shows a week ... just too much! The Main Events are very thin, because separated on three shows, which makes this shit absolout boring. And the fact, that many moves are banned from WWE, doesn't make things better.

Holy Shit! Everytime I watch an old classic, like Bret Hart vs. Bulldog or some cool stuff from Japan, I realize how limited the in Ring action in WWE is.

Jeff Hardy = WWE Champion? Well, at least it is a "new" face, but every move this guy shows, is a fucking trademark! Whenever he makes a move, which has more impact as a clothesline, it is a trademark! So in some ways Jeff Hardys wrestling style stands for what the whole in Ring product of the WWE is about.

Sad but true ...

Dante Ross said...

Nicolai, I agree that the amount of PPV's has gotten ridiculous. Even if I could afford to I would never order them all. The main event issue you mentioned is a very huge reason why I wouldn't. Guys that are a part of a feud shouldn't touch each other until the PPV. You would be dying to see them finally hook up. Now, just watch it on TV for free.

Dont forget that back in the day guys had more time to do shit. Also, the most important aspect that is missing is something that only ECW seems to still do is have enhancement talent. Instead of having a superstar get beaten every week to another one have someone you have nothing for beat a jobber. It makes it exciting because you get to see what they got and you never know when another 123 Kid situation might go down.

Nicolai said...

Yeah, I agree with you there. ECW is indeed the best show - as far as it goes for the WWE right now. Because they are short on time, they don't have time for silly segments and a shitload of bla bla. So they stay with what's familiar. And that ist still Wrestling. Also I like about ECW, that most of their storylines are told in the ring most the time.

But espescially in RAW there are way too many storylines, which work in similiar ways. And the next PPV is always right around the corner. So it all is so scripted after the same (repeating) rules. That's why a regular WWE Viewer can always call the results or clean/unclean match results while he sees the show. The space for suprising events and results - the excitment factor - is very limited these days. In so far I like ECW more.

And they bring indeed talent to the table. Swagger isn't bad at all. And also DJ Gabriel is very skilled (but his Gimmick is kinda stupid .... but somehow oldschool at the same time -> Alex Wright^^).

Greetings from Germany