Tha Raw Report: Toothless Aggression

Do you remember when rematches from PPV's were a big deal when they happened on "Raw" the next night? That memory is getting more blurry as the weeks pass.

There was some complaining, especially from yours truly that JBL and Batista were competing again to be the #1 contender to the World Heavyweight Championship. So after the mixed reaction to the competitors and the mixed reviews of the matches what does the WWE do? They give it to us again on "Monday Night Raw". Shoot me. Shoot me in the retina. Both retinas.

If that wasn't bad enough on it's on Batista comes to the ring and does some sort of gay mime dance.

Seriously, I know I've tried, along with a few others to defend him, but I'm done with that, and I hope that someone important realizes that this guy is not entertaining. Soon. Santino Marella's second knuckle on his pinky finger is more entertaining.

If I hear Batista's stupid ass fake laugh one more time I'm going to watch "Raw" on mute until Santino, Punk or Jamie Noble is on the screen. Speaking of Punk, and taking something from Noble, Punk is now officially Coffee Kingston's boy? Really? Not that long ago he was wearing the big gold belt. Now, he's Coffee's companion. Announcement to the writers: DO BETTER!

Honestly the most entertaining moments of the night were Santino's win, the trailer for Soul Men, RIP Bernie and Isaac, and Khali calling out Knoxville and kissing Lillian. Dost thou see how far "Raw" has fallen? A long, long way. While I'm talking entertaining, I know they dress Beth Phoenix that way for a reason, but seriously, new ring gear would do wonders, because like it or not she has serious sex appeal.

While Santino may be too ednick, his Oklahoma City Thunder put over in Seattle was absolutely the shit. The logo sucks ass, as does the name, but Mickie Noble would be a hell of a name. I'm seriously thinking of turning this column into a review of favorite moments from Chappelle's Show. Basically because you'd need some Tyrone Biggums specialty sandwiches, or be like Tron Carter and plead the FiF when you're asked your honest opinion on the show.

At this point I'd like to pose a question to Negrodamous and if he could get back to me I'd really appreciate it. Negrodamous, why does the uber white Brian Gerwitz continually put out the same show, or a show that really sucks on a weekly basis? Silky Johnson would have a damn ball with this show, and I mean that in the haterest way possible.

Can somebody please call Charlie Murphy and have him do a "True Hollywood Story" on the backstage atmosphere on "Raw" and see if the talent is as displeased with the product as most of the population. There are good moments don't get me wrong, but as a whole the show just isn't what we hoped it would be a few months ago.

I've been way too negative so far with this article so I'm going to focus on the positive. Shawn Michaels is still doing a hell of a job. He also did a hell of a job on getting Chris Jericho halfway to Heath Ledger from TDK. I really think Jericho should have run with that too.

The footage of John Cena and his recovery was actually quite compelling. Hopefully this isn't just something to get him more over, like his "hooked up" shoulder operation. If those X-Ray's were his though, I really do wish him the best because neck problems (as noted by myself and Christopher Casur) are nothing to mess with.

I'm going to completely positive here and talk about the most intriguing parts of the night. I love the fact that WWE listed Santino's opponents. Hot Rod, Goldust and the man the Honk-a-meter is based on The Honky Tonk man. God knows I'd love to see it just for the entertainment value, but isn't Honky on terrible terms with the WWE, and didn't he just screw up his finger?

If Cyber Sunday polling results are rigged it looks like Rodney the Piper is the best bet considering he's on decent (I guess) terms with WWE. I don't know how willing the E would be to bring Goldust/Black Reign/seVen/the Natural back even if for a one time shot. Even though all his previous one time shots have turned into much more. See where I'm coming from?

Ok call this wishful thinking, and it probably is, but I know I'm not the only mark that's a part of Tha O Show, be it writer, producer, host, O-ster, anything that wants to see Austin one more time. I don't mean just on TV, I mean in the ring, one last match. The Rattlesnakes last Rodeo. How southern was that?

Seriously. Think about it, think about the layout of how he may possibly be involved in the World Heavyweight Championship match at Cyber Sunday. Hopefully that would be the only time he's in the ring while the World title is on the line, that doesn't need to happen.

Austin's last last match was against The Rock at WrestleMania. His final match will possibly be at this WrestleMania. It's in Texas for God's sake. We all know that he doesn't mind jobbing. The Legend of Stone Cold Steve Austin going out should count for something. Win or lose I think the perfect opponent is already involved in the same Cyber Sunday match potentially.

Say Austin wins the vote. That would really piss off Randy Orton. This storyline writes itself people, I'm not thinking this up it just popped into my head no other thought whatsoever. Orton being pissed could come out and RKO Austin and put Austin out and Orton could decide the winner.

Orton would then broast that he killed the legend of Stone Cold and you have instant heat for Orton ultra mega pops for Austin and imagine if they let a match for Mania, Austin's final match build from Cyber Sunday until WrestleMania. The payoff would be huge and that would increase the buy rate like Money wished he could have done against Big Show.

Sorry to bore you all with that, but it felt like it could go there, and it puts an extremely positive end to an otherwise pretty negative article. I do apologize for the negativity, but sometimes I feel like the E should apologize for bad overall shows, or just plain bad booking.

Quick results...
*GlaMarella def. Jamie Noble & Mickie James
*Ted DiBiase def. Kofi Kingston
*Kane & Mark Henry def. Rey Mysterio & Matt Hardy
*Shawn Michaels def. Lance Cade
*Kelly Kelly def. Jillian
*Batista def. JBL

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