Man, I wish I had the MK with me while watching "Raw" last night. I would've had so much damn fun with that thing during tonight's "Raw". And, quite frankly, I probably would have added a button that would have said something, like, "Clusterfuck is this Sunday." Who else got the impression that the writing team forgot there was a pay-per-view in six days?Randy Orton started off "Raw". I didn't like the fact that he came off very tweenerish in his promo. He spent a lot of time talking smack about other heels, and he spent a lot of time being cheered. Bad signs, even if they were in his hometown. Has WWE become that afraid to have any big money guy be a heel?
Getting back to the MK thing, I was mentally hitting the Shoot! button when Randy said that "Raw" has become a joke and was the weakest of all three brands. I think that he could have easily left out his trash talking of the heel champions, however, and gone straight to CM Punk. The back and forth between these two was entertaining, and hopefully over time it will manifest itself into a big money feud, because if WWE is trying to get CM Punk over as a champion, a prolonged feud with Randy Orton would be a good way to do it.
I damn near threw my TV out the window when I heard John Cena's music hit. Then I damn near pissed myself laughing when I saw that it was Charlie Haas. And the MK played What's up with that, Vanilla Face? I'm a little disappointed that, a la Black Machismo, a gimmick based solely on stealing other people's gimmicks can only go so far, but hopefully it will last long enough for us all to get a few good laughs and long enough for WWE to find something more permanent for Mr. Haas to run with.
ECW made a cameo last night by having a Battle Royal featuring the participants from their Scramble match. I will say right now that ECW is the one show where it makes sense to have this match. Yes, the concept is not the most inventive one that WWE has ever patented, but in a match with five guys where very little in the match ultimately matters, and where one of the competitors is in the middle of an old school chase, there are so many ways to screw him over and keep the feud going. This kind of match, I feel, works best with a monster heel champion and a babyface challenger, and ECW is the only show with that.
King Regal faced Jamie Noble last night in Jamie Noble's endless quest to see the top of Layla's head. When Regal took off his robe, I'm sure you can guess which MK button I was pressing. Stop wearing the kayfaber, my king, it looks royally knee. By all means, though, keep dishing out those sick looking suplexes, I O for those muhfuggas every single time.
Candice Michelle came back. Candice Michelle...go away. Worst return pop ever, worst hurricanrana ever, and her taunt of moving her bra strap...knee. The other Divas represented, but she put out the sloppiest performance by a diva in quite some time. She doesn't even look as hot as she used to. If there is a wrestling God (not JBL), this bitch will be on the next round of cuts. If not, then this is the bullshit of all bullshit!
Every week, Santino Marella keeps finding ways to top himself on the mic. This week, he did it again, introducing the "Honk-o-meter". The man plans on breaking Honky Tonk Man's record for longest Intercontinental Championship reign. This is going to be very interesting, and hopefully it means that he's going to get a long run with the title rather than the alternative, which would be him getting punked and losing the title within two weeks.
Simply Priceless got their titles back, but I'm not sure really what to make of this situation. It certainly doesn't hurt that they got their titles back, but I think it might have been more entertaining had Cryme Tyme kept the belts. Ah, well. WWE happened to find some "can't lose" booking in this one, at least for now. It does seem like they're planting the seed for Orton to be in cahoots with Rhodes and DiBiase sometime down the road, however.
The "Raw" Scramble makes no sense. Kane's current storyline makes no sense. Gasmask returning after the match makes no sense. Are you picking up on a pattern here? This entire segment in which they had a Battle Royal made no sense! I'm not down with the "Raw" scramble for the reason I mentioned earlier in this article.
"Raw" ended with Shawn Michaels and Chris Jericho having a contract signing. Is this match going to be the main event Sunday? Probably not. So why is the last "Raw" before Clusterfuck ending with this contract signing? Poor planning on WWE's part. Also, Jericho needs to stop wearing suits, because some guys just don't look good in suits.
So there you have it. Did you catch anything in this article that perked your interest for this Sunday's pay-per-view? I'm gonna guess that the answer largely was no. Well, you're not alone, because that was the impression given throughout the show as well.
Tha Results:
*Kofi Kingston def. Charlie Haas
*Mark Henry def. Matt Hardy, Finlay, The Miz & Chavo Guerrero
*Jamie Noble def. William Regal
*Candice Michelle, Mickie James & Kelly Kelly def. Beth Phoenix, Jillian & Katie Lea Burchill
*Santino Marella def. D-Lo Brown
*Kane def. CM Punk, Batista and JBL
10 comments: on "Tha Raw Report"
I only watched a bit of Raw, but what baffles me is why did Michaels and Jericho have to "sign a contract" when the match isn't even sanctioned by the WWE in the first place. Everyone knows that it's still a WWE match but at least kayfabe it. Makes no sense to me.
Should have been a WAIVER SIGNING!
pwnd
Did anybody else see Michaels bounce on his damn head while he was beating on Cade? Ouch.
I just knew he wasn't going to get up from that.
I don't know what scale says that Candice Michelle isn't fuckin hot.
The only interesting thing about Raw was the "tease" of maybe, a possible faction with Orton, Rhodes and DiBiase. A backstage promo with Orton to Paul London to "open his eyes" and turn him heel would've been a good addition. Throw Deuce (or whatever his new gimmick may be) and boom, theres your group.
I like what Orton did with his opening promo. It wasn't as much tweener as it was "the big bad heel reminding the other heels how bad they really are". It puts him over as the top heel. Yeah he got cheers, but he was running down heel champs, that happens. Look at him "awakening" Cody and Ted's other side. It worked perfect.
Punk and Orton is gonna be hype-alaz. Since he can't come back for another month or so they can slow burn this and really build it up, maybe earning Punk his first ppv main event. I can't wait for the 2nd age or Orton.
Well another edition of Raw has come and gone. I guess this edition was supposed to make me want to order the PPV. Frankly I think I will pass on this one. Just thinking of over 60 mins of intros and wrestling scrambles for titles just does not interest me. One would have been fine and like someone stated before it would have been ok if it had just been ECW having a scramble. All three brands having a scramble will wear people out.
For skidding some 300 yards after crashing a bike Orton looked really good huh. Makes you wonder just how hurt he really is. They have laid some (possible) groundwork for Orton forming his own faction. Orton leading a group with Priceless on board. Kinda sounds interesting and in a way makes sense. All of them are either 2nd or even 3rd generation wrestlers. No HHH on Raw does lend itself to Orton being the guy to lead a faction. Just a thought.
HBK and Jericho will make a good filler between scrambles like I have stated before in a previous article. Why the contract signing? It is a unsactioned match. DUH. Shawn getting the torn tricep might limit him in the match some but he seems to find a way to work through a injury for big matches.
King Of The Ring and you job him week in and out. Come on forgive Regal like you did Jeff Hardy already. They need a Regal heel heat for the show.
Santino is the one thing everyone agrees they tune into watch. We tune in to see what he does or listen to something that will bust a gut coming out of his mouth. Honk-A-Meter lol..classic.
Did we really care about Candice coming back? Nope me either and nuff said.
I guess Hass has borrowed a page out of the Big Shows past. God those gimmicks they stuck him with. Whos next? Hogan.
A PPV is coming up and I think I will wait and hear what happens after the fact. Only match that would interest me is HBK and Jericho. The rest is one large clusterfuck! That's my cup of O.
I don't think they've completely forgiven Jeff Hardy either. Unfortunately, the rules are different for those two men. WWE sees Hardy as a guy they can make some serious money off of; the same cannot be said for Regal. He had to wait a very long time to get the push he had earlier this year, and he might not get that chance again.
They said a few times that the contract being signed was to absolve WWE of any legal actions.
My assumption is that this match being an "Unsanctioned" match it is essentially a bar fight, or just two guys fighting on the street. WWE is simply giving the two of them a place to have their fight. Since the match isn't sanctioned by the fed it is possible that someone can be sued due to the WWE not licensing/insuring the match. This contract was being signed so that the WWE wouldn't be held responsible for what happens. Essentially, they're having this match under their own accord. "ENTER AT YOUR OWN RISK" type deal.
I was bored...
Anybody doubt that Punk is going over Sunday? Orton actually has a chance to make this show his once he returns. he showed the proper amount of swag and he actually managed to make Punk relevant by giving him a feud worth watching. The srambalaz has the makings of a fucking disaster but i'm actually O'ing for a Orton/Punk program.
O'ing like crazy for Charlie Haas doing the Cena gimmick! LAUGHED MY ASS OFF!!!!!!!!!!
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