Tha Raw Report: Monday Night Meh

Fuck.

"Raw" is the supposed flagship show, so you would think that WWE would make sure that they put their best foot forward with it, right? I mean, it does get more viewers than any other wrestling program, so it would stand to reason that they would put a lot of focus on making their product look strong on Monday night.

No such luck. Many parts of "Raw" don't necessarily come off as bad, but as stale or having been put together without much foresight. And no, I'm not going to sit back and watch without questioning, because that's the mentality that enables writers to be lackadaisical and thus creates a show full of glaring indifference.

CM Punk. We're supposed to believe that he is an underdog. Okay. But we're also supposed to forget the fact that he was a midcarder throughout his entire run as champion, and that he got the title taken away from him in the most punked-out way possible. Well, maybe having him be jumped and not actually pinned makes him look strong in some way. After all, he never technically lost the title, and that's a fairly popular avenue for writers to go down when a champion loses the belt.

Why, then, did he lose tonight in a title match in a fashion that made him look weak? Moreover, why was it the curtain jerker? Yeah, he's a real underdog. He can't even win a fricking curtain jerker match. Will someone please take a dictionary, open it to "Underdog", and proceed to beat "Raw" creative senseless with it.

Why is Candice still around? She came into WWE with very little wrestling background (if any). Then she decided to pose nude. Suddenly we were supposed to forget that she couldn't work her way out of a paper bag. She was in Playboy, so now she's a legit tough wrestler. I'm not going to be so cruel as to say "fire her", but do something with her. Ship her off to FCW for a little while to sharpen her skills, because right now, I don't want her on my TV and I'm pretty sure that I'm not the only one.

JBL last night made his case to be the number one contender. Let me say this. By all rights, JBL should be the World Heavyweight Champion. If you're going to put the title on a heel, he is the guy to put it on. He elicits pure heel heat from the people. Marks hate him because he's a bad guy, smarks hate him because he's a dick backstage, but that's what makes him great. Much like Jeff Jarrett, he wants you to hate him, and he makes no bones about it.

Cody Deaner once wrote an article on here where he talked about how most modern heels are more worried about being cool than being a true heel. Not so for JBL, who for as long as he's been an active competitor under his JBL persona, has done everything in his power to be vehemently hated by anyone not 6'8" with a mullet and teeth you could land an airplane on.

The second generation stable is one thing on "Raw" that I'm excited about. I've stated many times that recent WWE stables were nothing more than vanilla lackeys affixed to the hip of a main eventer. Not so in this case, as this stable seems to be a breeding ground for future stars, very much like Evolution was for Randy Orton and Batista. I also take back what I said before about not wanting Orton involved with the stable, as WWE has shown that they can keep this from becoming a reincarnation of The Cabinet or La Familia.

Boomer Sooner to Charlie Haas, who did it again this week, impersonating Jim Ross. Once they run out of superstars for him to mimic, I think they should just give him a new name and new gimmick every week. That can keep him running for a long time. And it'll certainly be a better gimmick than having him wear track pants and a damn afro. I swear to God, if he switches over to black rally towels, he's ripping off Tha O Show.

Here's another headscratcher. WWE had a poorly thought out and poorly executed storyline. Then, they come up with something better to do. So why are they still dragging out the bad storyline? Kane and Rey Mysterio faced off this week, with Kane cutting another promo that you had to forget about all wrestling history in order to tolerate. WWE, your tag division is shit, and last week, you created a tag team that got over like crazy. Stick with that! It's not rocket science, oh happy creatures.

Shawn Michaels was named Number One Contender for the World Heavyweight Championship. I've mentioned before that WWE seems to have a hard-on for having as many babyfaces as possible, which hurts a guy like Michaels. Shawn is great in ring, and on the stick, but he's getting visibly older, and with a sea of babyfaces, he doesn't stand out quite as much as he used to.

The solution? Turn that boy heel! Shawn Michaels gets great heel heat whenever he's playing the bad guy, and a heel style will reduce some of the wear and tear on his high mileage body. I know that WWE wants as many babyfaces as possible, because the fans like babyfaces, and they'll pay to see them and they'll pay for their merch, whereas they don't like heels, but get over that logic, WWE. A great heel is a great draw, and Michaels has proven time and again that he can be a great heel.

Tha Results:
*Chris Jericho def. CM Punk in a Steel Cage Match to retain World Heavyweight Championship
*Candice Michelle def. Jillian
*JBL def. Tommy Dreamer
*Cody Rhodes, Ted DiBiase & Manu def. Kofi Kingston, Jerry Lawler and Good Ol’ J.H.
*Jamie Noble def. Paul Burchill
*Rey Mysterio def. Kane by disqualification

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