Tha SmackDown! Breakdown

“SmackDown!” is just one of those shows. They’ll have an awesome show one week, and a sub-par to terrible show the next. Last weeks show, in my eyes was a damn good show. This week wasn’t bad, but it was nothing special either.

As is customary on Tha O Show we have O’s and No’s. I won’t give you the typical O and No breakdown. I’ll just give you tha breakdown. The good always comes with the bad. It’s just in varying amounts.

By varying amounts I mean that one segment is good, one is terrible. Like Maryse ripping Cherry. Explanation anyone?

I actually liked the video game opening to “SmackDown!” this week. The Batista and Umaga entrances and a few in ring sequences were nice. It was also interesting because it gave the perspective of both men dominating, or having a back and forth match, depending on how you want to look at it.

I don’t want to get ahead of myself talk about Umaga coming to “SmackDown!” in the draft, so I’ll just go ahead and completely take a dump on what happened with the real Batista at the beginning of the real show.

For the love of God, where did the brains go of creative? Did Deuce and Domino get themselves in some deep ass heat? They went from being the tag team to beat, to being the tag team everyone beats. Even in handicap matches. Are you kidding me?

Batista basically squashed the former tag team champs. I didn’t time the match, because that number would probably piss me off. I guess without the lovely, no, the smoking hot Cherry they are incapable of defending themselves. Apparently she’s the brain trust and without her there is no function.

As a heel tag team they have in the past utilized double teams and all out beat downs on their opponents. This week, they managed to get four or five offensive moves in each. Batista handily defeated them, whereas Umaga handily beat London and not much Kendrick.

There’s a big difference there. Actually the difference is retarded. Umaga is billed at 350lbs and Kendrick and London together weight 380lbs. Batista is billed at 290 and together Deuce and Domino weigh 470. Batista is two inches taller than Umaga but weighs 60 less pounds. Batista also beat a team weighing 120 pounds more than Umaga’s team.

Maybe I’m looking way too much into that, but with the excessive push given to Batista over the years this is just one of those small facts that irritate me. Call it nitpicking, I don’t care. Put side by side Batista’s looks more impressive by default, making Umaga look that much less threatening. What happened to monster?

The Diva competition is something I’m not so sure about. I don’t know if it’s just a vehicle to push Michelle McCool, Eve and Cherry, or if it’s just something to give BHC some publicity and market the E towards that audience. Cherry is smoking, and while the Olivia Newton John thing baffles me, a full body leather suit intrigues me.

As soon as I found out Edge’s opponent I popped. I knew way in advance what the outcome would be, but who cares. We were treated to, “SmackDown!” number one announcer!” Funaki is one of those guys that no matter who he’s getting squashed by, he still entertains me. Maybe I’m just…”Evil, Indeed!”

The Naturals finally made their debut. They were mercilessly squashed by Big Show, but hey, Douglas and Stevens made it onto WWE TV. I wonder if the squash was because they announced their dark match before it happened several months ago and earned some heat and then didn’t get the match.

The thing I want to focus on the most tonight is the VIP Lounge. MVP is the man. He carried Batista to a few good matches. He put on clinics with Benoit. He and Matt Hardy made “SmackDown!” tolerable at the time, and now needs to win MitB!

Jeff Hardy, my condolences on the house fire and the bad luck, but I digress, is no longer going over in MitB. Put MVP in that spot and give him the briefcase. If not for his wrestling ability and the badges of honor he’s earned over the past year and a half, then because of his promos.

The VIP Lounge with Chris Jericho was awesome. I know a lot of people hate on Jericho, but I’m not. He was entertaining on “Raw” and he was also very entertaining on “SmackDown!” He and MVP had the best two man mic war that I’ve seen in some time.

Each cutting off the other to sing the others accolades and praises was great. Jericho talking about MVP’s “target” suit and his fly du rag, and his, "little bling, bling," which by the way Fronte, he meant jewelry so don’t get worried that he meant genitals.

The name thing though, that was, to steal a phrase, the highlight of the night. Zachary Ignatius Taylor. Luther Octavious Sampson Earnest Rogers, and the best Jeremiah Antonio Cleavon Kelsey Albert Smith Schwartz. All names that MVP’s parents could have given him.

MVP sold that shit like a champ. The way he played himself up was good. The way he shot down Jericho was good. The way he kept talking as he climbed the ladder and grabbed the case was priceless, and then of course Jericho pushed him off the ladder.

This is a testament to both guys. Jericho can work with anyone. MVP apparently can work with anyone as well. Jericho got a run with the “WCW” title in the E, and then the undisputed title and a lot of it was his mic presence. I look for MVP to get several runs with top gold.

With all due respect to Lex Luger due to his health, he wasn’t anywhere near the total package, MVP is. MVP can work, MVP can talk, MVP can carry dudes, and MVP can sell things other people wouldn’t think to sell. MVP is the MVP of “SmackDown!”

Taker and Edge have their spots, and people take that for granted. It’s that mid-card to upper mid-card that I always preach about that does a lot of the work. MVP is doing the lion’s share. The US title is becoming an anchor keeping him from the main event, time to move on.

I’m going to paint this picture with a very broad brush as to not have to spend a lot of time on the topic, because I’m not too fond of it. Chuck Palumbo wrestled Kane again. There is also a 24 man battle royal AT WrestleMania and the winner immediately faces Chavo for the ECW strap.

Tonight “SmackDown!” decided to push the behemoth bastards in the match. Khali interrupted and took them both out. Then, Mark Henry comes out and takes out Khali with a World’s Strongest Slam, and then he takes out the Kane and Palumbo. Oddly enough, we got no Big Daddy V, but that would just be too logical.

Finally we’re going to get what we’ve been waiting for. Jesse and Festus, or anyone really, is going to take the belts off of MNM 2.0, but no, we don’t get that. MNM retain. This wouldn’t be a problem, but MNM have been beaten countless times in non-title and six man matches.

MNM still don’t function as a tag team. They enter the ring separately. They wrestled last week for a spot in MitB, and they were also in a mini-feud when they won the tag straps. By the way it has now been over four months since MNM 2.0 won the gold.

I won’t even go into this again, but tag teams need their place. They have several legit tag teams now and they keep the belts on ECW and on a team that isn’t even a team. Hell it’s been six months since a real team held the belts. That team was Deuce and Domino.

Matt Hardy and MVP took the belts off of them, and MNM 2.0 took the belts off of Hardy and MVP. If they want Miz and Morrison as a team then package them as one, don’t just throw the belts on them. It’d be much more effective if they acted like a team.

I’ve seen where people think Miz is a believable heel. No, Miz has X-Pac heat. He’s not a heel. People just don’t want to see him. Not many people believe him, not many people respect him and not many people care about, or admit to caring about his past as a reality TV star.

Miz isn't much of an asset to the company either. Other than being able to blatantly rip off a t-shirt Target sells for $9.99 and charge $25.00 for it he isn't making them money. As a matter of fact, that shirt may be worse than Bobby Lashley's "Dominate" shirt.

The main event of “SmackDown!” was Undertaker taking on Chavo. Yeah, I had to read it a few times too. That’s not a knock against Chavo, it really isn’t. I know the whole “Family” gimmick they have running with Edge, but how does that benefit anyone?

Taker dominates a “world” Champion. That does not speak highly of ECW or its champ. I know Taker is an anomaly and logic doesn’t always apply, but that’s one of those things that I don’t like. Have a world champion lose and then, even in an attack have the guy that dominated him lay in a heap in the ring as the show goes off. Complete burial of Chavo.

Edge saved it in his maniacal beat down after the match. Edge is so good at playing that obsessed heel that needs to either win or keep his title. It worked on “Raw” and it’s working on “SmackDown!” People are starting to believe, and some are hoping that Edge is the guy to go over on Taker at Mania.

Won’t happen, but Edge and Taker are doing their jobs in suspending the disbelief. Batista and Taker last year had the possibility, but this year it’s an even bigger possibility because Edge is a heel and has several things in his back pocket to help pull out a win.

One “SmackDown!” left before WrestleMania and next week we get Jericho and MVP in a “Champion vs. Champion” match. Should be a good match and the final building block to Mania. The countdown is drawing to a close.

Tha Results…
*Batista def. Deuce and Domino
*Big Show def. Chase Stevens, Andy Douglas and Luke Hawks(?)
*Edge def. Funaki
*Kane vs. Chuck Palumbo ends in a no contest
*MNM 2.0 def. Jesse & Festus to retain the WWE Tag Team titles
*The Undertaker def. Chavo Guerrero via submission

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