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3.04.2008

Tha Raw Report: What Are You Doing?

Why is the main event at WrestleMania going to feature two faces who are only borderline over, as opposed to a red-hot face? Does creative honestly believe that there's nobody who is as over as John Cena and Triple H? There has to be.

Speaking of "not over", Floyd Mayweather is trying too hard, and it's really sad. He's not good at promos, almost bad enough that I'm expecting him to tell Big Show that he fucked his mother into paralysis. Yeah, I know Boss Man already ran that angle, but screw it.

Ric Flair and Shawn Michaels are teasing tension going into their WrestleMania match. Is it just me, or does it seem like that, if HBK does turn, this is going to be one of the lamest heel turns ever? His promo just did not pull me into this angle. Hard to believe that I'm looking forward to a match with such a weak storyline going into it. I guess the workrate of these two is pretty much gonna be the saving grace of this match.

The Highlight Reel is back. I know that I said I like the idea of Hardy in Money In The Bank, but after tonight, I am changing my opinion on this (I'll explain why later). Hardy is the most over guy on "Raw" right now. At WrestleMania, the most over guys should be the guys in the main event. "SmackDown!", for all its follies, picked up on this concept, but "Raw" has not. Instead of being involved in a title hunt, he's showing up on a new age "Piper's Pit" ripoff. Kneeosity.

John Cena's STFU was, without a doubt, the weakest that I have EVER seen. I swear, I saw JR's fat head through Cena's arms, his damn arms were on there so loose. Cena just does NOT fit his character. And, in a company that is character-driven, that's bad. Really bad. Like, betting you can lose 40 pounds in four months bad.

Santino was hilarious last night. When I saw Santino's modified cover, I laughed harder than I have in weeks. I don't care if he's never going to be a main eventer, as long as he's on my TV, my ass is happy. Even if he's getting beaten up by Jerry "Stupid" Lawler. Guarantee Dan buys four copies of that. On the flipside, his tag partner, Carlito, qualified for Money In The Bank last night. Yawn. Does anybody really care?

Finlay VS. JBL is on for WrestleMania. This match will be dope if it's a No-DQ match. Also, I'm still holding out slim hope that Finlay will be pushed to the main event through this match. Here's hoping.

John Cena on commentary was brutal. He didn't sound like a commentator as much as he sounded like a damn commercial for WrestleMania. Again, his character is lame, and he just doesn't fit it. There has to be someone in the company who is more over than this man, and is more deserving of a face title run. Cena and Trips need to go heel, and find somebody more over to be the top face. There's gotta be somebody...

Tha results:
Big Show def. Brandon Hill
Ric Flair & Shawn Michaels def. Lance Cade & Trevor Murdoch
Umaga def. Super Crazy
John Cena def. Mr. Kennedy
Carlito def. Cody Rhodes
Triple H def. Randy Orton by DQ


8 comments: on "Tha Raw Report: What Are You Doing?"

Anonymous said...

but who? i just cant think of anyone more over right now whoooo

Mike Washington said...

I honestly hardly watched, I planned a trip to Six Flags and kept my eye on the tv. Garbage. The only things that caught my attention were the Triple Threat Takeover, which could have been HUGE. But the ball was dropped. Cena gets no Os, but had he booked Hunter and Orton in some ridiculous stip it woulda been awesome. Have "Mr. Poopy Pants" book Hunter and Orton in a lingerie pillowfight. That would get Cena his first O since the Dizzy Gillespie rhyme from years ago. Oh, and I can't wait until HHH gets his turn to run Raw........ oh right.

The second thing that caught my attention and also dropped the ball was Carlito vs. Cody Rhodes because I figured they might pull the swerve to put the grandson of a plumber into the MITB. But then I realized, I wouldn't want him in there. And Carlito was already there. And neither one would win the match. And that gaurantees that the Raw tag titles won't be defended at the PPV. And it doesn't seem like Team O will ever get their tag title shots.... kinda like Cryme Tyme. The match was decent though, not great... decent.

The next thing that caught my attention and again let me down was the Hornswoggle angle. I was actually hooked last week. I was expecting a short segment that explained a little more of the 'mystery' early in the show followed by a brawl between Finlay and Jiggly Breast Layfield, but instead we saw JBL in Hornswoggle's doctorless hospital room. He then procceeded to turn the light off and molest the midget to tears. If I had a nickel for every time I've said that sentence I'd be rich.

And the only thing to catch and keep my attention was Candice Michelle, which turned into Santino-rama. I called the face over the poster. I sat on the couch muttering "Santino's face" over and over.... ummm, no homo. And I was right, and then Santino came out and was gold, from the "erectile malfunctions" to screaming "close your eyes" into the crowd. He's just ALWAYS on. It just goes to prove that no matter how much you push a guy, if he can't get himself over he's not getting over. Santino proves that you can get yourself over. Jeff Hardy also proves that even without much help, you can get yourself over. And Hardcore Holly and Khali prove that no matter what, if you can't get yourself over there's absolutely no push that will.

After a stretch of non-Cena Raws that were great, we're apparently back in a Cena slump. Gaaaaay.

Anonymous said...

While I agree Hardy v. Orton should be the main at Mania, HHH v. Cena could easily play second fiddle without the title involved, it's time to stopping dogging Cena for the things he does right. There was nothing wrong with his commentating last night, he put over the event, he put over his opponents, if anything, he probably should have put over himself more. He wisely dug up the history between him and Orton which is defiant of E's 3 month rule. Yeah his STFU is poorly executed but get over it, the match was adequate and I may have actually seen Cena selling well that match...

For the first time in a long time Raw was fairly solid, from top to bottom. It will never be as the good ol days of yore, but all segments/matches were good. The exchange on the Highlight Reel was good, the Santino stuff was well executed and even the Carlito/Rhodes wasn't boring.

It's been a while since a real solid Raw, but I thought this one was good top to bottom...

Maybe I'm reaching because it's been a while since there was an even decent raw, but there was nothing wrong with this one.

White Thunder said...

I laughed when Mayweather said he was the best mma, wrestler, boxer in the world....Lol he would get his ribs broken...

D.J.B. said...

You know whats amazing...Hardy changed music, which was his signature for damn near 10 years and the reaction to his entrance itself didn't change. I know thats a mark comparisson, but it works here.

Everybody O'd for Hardy ToF'in and there were no boo's because hockey dad hair was left laying.

I also wont shit on John Cena this week, he did a fairly decent job on everything, and I can forgive the STFU because lets face it, we live in an era where submissions hardly matter in the WWE.

Bill the Mark said...

'Money' Mayweather is crap. That whole segment with Show was horrible. He comes off as a heel so much, that you can't help but want Show to turn him into a pancake. Would telling Show that he fucked his mother into paralysis make him 'the world's worst babyface'?

D.J.B. said...

Show could say he kick-fucked a girl with cerebral palsy and he'd still be cheered over Floyd.

I watch WAY TOO MUCH Doug Stanhope.

Chris said...

DJB, I could have sworn that I heard the crowd boo Hardy. Maybe wishful thinking?
Is Carlito back in the doghouse?
I really hate when they actually do a tele conferance type promo, the timing is always terrible. On the other hand the cinder block hospital was pretty unconvincing also.