Tha iMPACT Dispatch: Shattered Vows

After a week off from a TNA article, it's back.

Coming off the heels of Against All Odds TNA presented iMPACT from the top of the show as the Kurt and Karen Angle vow renewal, who here thinks wrestling weddings are a good idea? I didn’t think so.

I understand that Kurt at this point is the guy in TNA, but TNA is making a mistake. The marriage and backstage stuff is very WWE, and TNA should stay away from that.

Maybe it’s that he is a southerner, but I am a HUGE Jim Cornette mark. I personally like the angle, no pun intended, that they are working with Samoa Joe right now. The best part is that it’s pretty legit, at least according to the dirt sheets so it isn’t 100% confirmed.

Samoa Joe’s contract is scheduled to run out in June, and he DID turn them down the first time. It’s probably going to run up until he gets a run with the TNA title so they can do a “Champion not under contract” gimmick. The one thing I don’t like though is the constant interruptions.

Why not have Joe refuse to sign the contract until he gets a title shot right then, not because Matt Morgan freaks out, or Christian busts in? I like the tag team tease of Cage and Joe, because I like both guys. Then why have Joe put over the fact that Cornette guaranteed him a title shot and still not sign the contract?

I’m fast getting tired of the constant backstage attack angles. Use them when they matter, not weekly. Tonight could have worked, but it’s so overused it was ineffective. Why keep Christian out of action? How did it benefit anyone by having Kevin Nash in the ring? I like Nash too, but I like him a lot better out of the ring.

I’m pretty sure we’ve been through this before, but is Tomko necessary? Sure he serves a purpose as a bodyguard, but as the center of a storyline? I for one say no. His promo wasn’t all that good, but I guess that’s because it was total bullshit.

Another thing about it that I really didn’t like was the way he ended the part about Christian. “Me and Christian are over,” were his exact words. I could have sworn they were just Christian and Tomko, not Billy and Chucky. A quick side note, how long have Tomko and AJ been Tag champs, and how long have they been “split?” Too long is the answer.

He’s hot, he’s spicy, oh hell, he’s Curry Man. I’m wondering how many people legit don’t know that Curry Man is Daniels. I’m willing to bet it’s better than 30% of at least the live house. You just have to love Tenay and West’s hard sell of it too. The two running comedy gimmicks in TNA are a tag team now, sweet.

I did like the pre-match shtick with Bubba. I had a feeling it would be lame, but it was actually pretty entertaining. It was probably the sell job that Bubba did, and even the sell job that Earl “Leg Kick” Hebner did, but it made me chuckle. The ending of the match did not. Scale to the head, do better.

I really like the direction that TNA is taking with the Robert Roode and Booker T angle. It’s letting Booker T be Booker T. I loved him as King Bookah, but I like Booker T better. It’s giving that realistic theme to the angle, not to mention the chemistry the two seem to have.

What in the hell is Rellik? I know its Killer spelled backward, but what in the hell? This has to be the most insane gimmick I’ve ever seen, and I’m taking Goldust the homo into consideration. The promo Rellik cut tonight on Eric Young was insane. I wish he’d have told him he was going to skullfuck him or something, it’d have been more to the point.

I’m going to devote only one paragraph to the Abyss/Jim Mitchell/Judas fiasco. Why go with that gimmick tonight? He walks out to the ring then away, he’s not Foley, and it doesn’t work. Another thing, and this goes solely to Don West, remember a few weeks ago when we ALL found out Judas was his stepbrother? He couldn’t have wanted to exact revenge on him for years, think dammit.

Scott Steiner’s new freak is hot, even though her name is Raka Cahn and she’s Donnie’s height. I did pop for Petey calling her Cloverfield. As a matter of fact I popped for Petey period. All alliteration aside, or not, I’m glad to see Petey having a solid part on TV. He was one of those I was worried was forgotten by TNA.

To kill two birds with one stone, I’ll make Dante Ross and Christopher Casur happy, ODB and Awesome Kong wrestled each other in a street fight. Good match, two good workers, I liked it. It was worth the money.

Did I really just see Juan Pablo Montoya and Reed Sorenson on TNA? I know I’m the southern guy so it is my duty to say that yes, I do watch NASCAR, and yes, I know who both of them are, but JPM is from F1 as well. How stereotypical was it to have Homicide mention a chop-shop? Nice cross promotion I guess. Now put TNA on their damn cars.

I think the cross promotion between NASCAR and TNA could be a very good thing. Far more people watch racing than wrestling, and to put TNA in with NASCAR could turn some fans on to TNA. Maybe it won’t, maybe it will, but that can it hurt to try it?

More NASCAR and Jimmy Spencer was the guy they put in the booth. He actually did a better job than West and Tenay. I will say though, Spencer had a rep back in his driving days of being a tough guy. You probably heard about him punching people.

Why in the hell is Lance Hoyt trying to look like Slash? Speaking of that triple threat match, anytime Shelly Martinez comes on my screen, I’m fine with it. When Jimmy Rave dresses like her, I’m not fine with it. Mike Tenay should get fired for saying Boogity, Boogity, Boogity, DW does it and it’s only kind of entertaining.

Id rather not spend a whole lot of my time, or yours covering yet another wrestling
Wedding ceremony, but I gotta do what I gotta do. You just knew it was going to be bad when JB was announced as the Maid of Honor. Don West, go to hell, its wrestling, nothing is supposed to be tasteful, so for the love of God, don’t put that over.

AJ Styles is so damn good in character it makes it hard to watch the guys that aren’t. I did like Angle making the preacher read out his accomplishments, that’s so Angle. Earlier in the show AJ said that Kurt was marrying his woman, so we knew there would be the typical wrestling drama, we just didn’t know to what extent.

Who didn’t pop for the preacher saying some of these men know you Karen. Joe and Nash had there interference and that was pretty entertaining, but it was a wrestling wedding run-in. I think it was only bad because it had the wedding stigma.

I think Kurt Angle has had more underwear spots in TNA than anyone else has had in the last ten years. The bow-tie, cummerbund and heart boxers was typical Kurt Angle, and it was humorous, but enough men in underwear, we get enough of that in the ring. The bifocal-less minister marrying AJ and Karen was typical wrestling wedding. AJ selling that was awesome, but I think everyone sold it right, so all in all it wasn’t that bad.

Tha Results…
*Brother D-Von def. Curry Man & Shark Boy
*Scott Steiner def. Maple Leaf Muscle Petey Williams
*Rellik def. Eric Young
*TNA Tag Champs Styles & Tomko def. Joe and Nash
*Awesome Kong def. ODB
*Homicide def. Jimmy Rave & Chris Sabin

Share |