Tha TNE Throwaway

Finally, sadly, this article will live up to its name. Last night's showing of ECW was painfully deserving of the lesser title "Tuesday Night Extreme(ly shitty)" and the entire episode should be discarded as if it never aired.

What a disappointing promo from John Morrison. I was so damn ready just to put this guy over this week, and he comes out with a drawn out, dry-ass-promo. The guy was handed a great gimmick, with the "15 Minutes of Fame". The script they give him, even with the Leno-esque pop-culture "jokes", was rather solid, but he was so goddamn boring!

John Morrison sounded about as energetic as Jim Morrison strung out on black tar heroin in a hotel bathroom. Get loud you fucking rock star!

Luckily, this shit opening segment was saved by Tommy Dreamer, CM Punk and OUR "Paradigm of Virtue", Elijah Burke. What can I say? The Golden Boy with the Silver Tongue (Burke) was the only "Guiding Light" of last night's show - from opening segment, to pre-match promo, to the main event itself.

Let's dig deeper into this trash can of a show. You know you have a shit program when The Boogeyman is a highlight. The locker room should be ashamed. They were outdone by black contacts, alka seltzer, and new face paint design. I'd comment on his new feud with Big Daddy V, but we all know what kind of five-star match this is leading to.

Speaking of five-star matches, The Miz took on Balls Mahoney in a classic that will live on after we're all gone. After The Miz's glorious, hard-fought victory, he celebrated in the ring with Extreme Expose. Shoot me.

I can't even pop for Steven Richards' second straight victory over Kevin Thorn, because Fertig was so damn pathetic. Did Thorn actually use a kick to the ass as an offensive manuever? Fucking lame-gina. This is Richards' longest win streak in like a decade and he's wasting it on this piece of trash. Maybe Orton did have a foreign object in his boot when he kicked Dusty Rhodes in the head last week on "Raw".

Finally, after forty minutes of torture, we get to the main event: CM Punk, Elijah Burke and Tommy Dreamer in a triple threat to see who faces Morrison for their "15 Minutes of Fame", next week. On paper this was a great match, in reality it lacked. Dreamer put the crowd to sleep, Punk's one spot was telegraphed from five states over, and Burke didn't even get the damn win. Maybe the drizzle shit program prior to this match stole all the possible steam from the main event, but I really couldn't get into this one.

Usually, every week, I come with more positive things to say about ECW, but I am completely unbiased when it comes to this artform/sport/industry and I hold no reservations. ECW sucked shit this week, plain and simple.

Tha Breakdown:
John Morrison over Jobber McGee 20 seconds into his "15 Minutes of Fame"
Steven Richards def. Kevin Thorn with a roll-up
Big Daddy V def. three jabrones
Miz def. Balls Mahoney
CM Punk def. Elijah Burke & Tommy Dreamer in Triple Threat match, with a pin on Burke after a GTS

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