Ladies and gentlemen, your NEW WWE Intercontinental Champion...Santino Marella!For any of you O-sters who may have missed "Raw" last night and have just simultaneously wondered aloud: "What the fuck?"...trust me, I know. Then again, those of us who DID catch "Raw" eminating live from Milan, Italy last night are also wondering the same thing.
It bothers me, as a wrestling fan, to know that the same title that has had numerous competitors go through tables, ladders, chairs (not necessarily in that particular order) and much more for it, now means practically nothing.
There goes the whole "keep it on Umaga for months to bring the IC belt back to prominence" gimmick. Instead we get an extension of an already drawn-out-too-long feud between Bobby Lashley and the Samoan Bulldozer.
In addition, we have this once-prestigious title wrapped around the waist of someone who is making his debut on WWE television. To the wrestling public, WWE is telling us that some fan at ringside can become a new champion. In other words, "'Va Fanculo' fans...logic is still nowhere to be seen on our show!". (By the way, big thanks to the F'n one, Frank Fronte for teaching me how to say "Fuck You" in Italian. I thought it would be fitting).
Big shout to Frank also for the following information: Your new IC champ, Santino Marella is actually Anthony Carelli (real name) also known as Boris Alexiev (OVW name). Obviously, Marella (really not sure which of his many names to use) is a wrestler already signed by the E and not some random Italian wrestling fan.And I understand the idea of putting over the "hometown" boy and all...but is this anyway to treat the Intercontinental Championship? A relative no-name is now a holder of a supposedly impressive title. Not to mention, the ENTIRE "Raw" roster did not answer Vince McMahon's challenge to take on Umaga for that very same title.
So...either every WWE competitor thinks the title is a piece of shit...or they are all pussies afraid of taking on Umaga. Either way, this angle sucks.
Now, it was nice to see The World's Greatest Tag Team pick up a win last night...but sadly, even as they were put over, the match wasn't about them. The angle that is STILL brewing between Ric Flair and Carlito could easily have come to a head at WrestleMania 23. Why we're still seeing them as a tag-team-on-the-outs when they haven't even developed as a real tag-team to begin with, is beyond me. I'm not too sure what it is, but I'm totally not interested in this storyline. Unfortunately, Shelton Benjamin and Charlie Haas continue to be a mere sidenote on WWE TV.You gotta hand it to Nick Dinsmore a.k.a. Eugene. To play a character that should have lasted three months tops and to still be kickin' around on "Raw" years after its debut is quite an achievement. Now THIS is how you sell a gimmick folks: does anyone remember when Eugene had his jacket and ring gear stained with green paint? Must have been about a year ago or something. Meanwhile, he STILL rocks the same soiled garments to the ring.
Eugene, it seems, has joined the Tito Santana/William Regal-like pool of superstars who do ANYTHING the company asks of them. I think it's a group called "The Legion of Glorified Jobbers". It's a shitty job, but someone's gotta do it. Here's hoping his paychecks are worth the constant squashing he endures.
So after the countless bikini contests and near-naked Bra and Panties Matches we've been seeing for years, WWE treats us to a...fashion show? Fully clothed Divas on "Raw"? And Torrie Wilson wins? She's not even in the Women's title picture. Oh yeah...Va Fanculo fans!You know, after watching wrestling classics like Chris Benoit VS. MVP last week on "SmackDown!", all other matches on free TV just seem to lack luster by comparison. While Lance Cade VS. Jeff Hardy was a decent affair last night on "Raw", the wrestling on this program continues to be outshined by its Friday counterpart. Furthermore, while I like the team of Cade and Trevor Murdoch, NO wrestler should ever end his match with a clothesline...unless of course, your name is JBL.
I noticed that Jim Ross had "clothesline from hell" on the tip of his tongue when calling Cade's finisher last night. Instead, he catches himself and calls it a "clothesline from Music City to Milan". Yeah, that'll stick. I think the only reason JBL ended up using the clothesline as a finisher is because JR gave it a cool name...and to his credit, Layfield made it look good. It should never be used as a finisher again though...it's almost like someone ELSE using the legdrop as a favourite move. Let's face it, if it ain't Hogan's leg...it simply doesn't hurt enough.
Weeks ago, someone mentioned that Bobby Lashley breaking the Masterlock was the best thing for Chris Masters' career. Oh yeah? Where's he at now? Back on "Raw" fighting the only member of the WWE roster who apparently wants to work him...Super Crazy. As the announce team mentioned, Super Crazy challenged Masters when he made his "Raw" debut MONTHS ago! Why are we watching this match? Va Fanculo everybody!
Speaking of my new favourite Italian phrase...that was the response John Cena received from Milan last night. Good for them. The "Cena Sucks" chant ranks right up there with "Fire Russo" as my recent favourites. Not everyone in the crowd may have known the English language, but they learned just enough to tell WWE what the REST of the world has been thinking for what feels like forever.
And here's another reason why: Cena bothched a number of spots last night. The worst being when he missed the bottom turnbuckle to stop an Irish whip and then careened his head right into an oncoming Randy Orton's head. Fuckin' idiot.See Shawn Michaels sell that F.U.? Kudos to a guy who could have shot Cena's knees with a bazooka at 'Mania only to have "The Champ" get up and do jumping jacks. With Cena's improbable win-streak continuing last night, perhaps this is actually a sign that his title reign is coming to an end at Backlash.
Yeah right. I know what the E will say to that. Va Fanculo Dan-e-o!
27 comments: on "Tha Raw Report - Va Fanculo!"
Thank you Dan-e-o your speaking the minds of all of the fans! I am fucken tired week after week of seeing Cena go over and not selling shit!
Did you see tonight when he we selling being dazed and then he went from being dazed to doing a perfect a off the top rope :S Like he was perfectly fine! It makes me sick that people like HBK have to put over guys like Cena who make them look like shit!
I feel that we are going to have Cena shoved down our mouths and the WWE has no plan to end it anytime soon, the WWE is working the fact that they have no one near them to compete so they dont care what we think as fans they will give us what they want and that is clear from what was said on the "O" Show Radio show last week when someone over heard McMahon in Detroit saying that he knows Cena is going to get booed and he laughed most likely because he doesn't care. Cena is suppose to be the baby face but yet he is coming off as the heel because fans are just sick and tired.
I have to quote the "O" Show radio show again when say that Cena wouldnt sell a lighting bolt from "God" well its true and after RAW I don't think that he would lay down for "God" either I think Vince would put over Cena over God anyday!
Thats My Rant!
Dan-e-o my bro.
I loved your piece as always. Great read. Nobody puts Cena down better & you are truly telling it like it is.
On the other hand, & I know, I know, I'm gonna take heat for this but I gotta say that I loved the Raw opening personally. I marked out for Santino & think it was a great, fresh, original idea. I understand your concern for the I.C. belt, but I couldn't help but get a Rocky Balboa chill down my spine. & what a way to not only uproar the Italian crowd, but I can only imagine the pop he's gonna get in North America. What a way to jump start a new "underdog like" character as well. Personally I feel this is one of the better idea's they have come up with in a while.
Also about Lance Cade's clothsline. I think this is their way of putting Lance over, by giving him a legendary, texas wrestler finish. Stan Hansen was a texan who used the lariat clothsline for a finish, followed by Barry Windham, another texan, then it was passed on to Bradshaw & now that he is retired it seems the texas lariat finish has been passed on to my old buddy Lance Cade.
Now I know Dan-e-o is gonna kick my ass for this, like he did in his video, but I had to comment. I LOVE THAOSHOW!!!
Talk to you guys on Wednesday... & Carl The Marko DeMarco, dont think I've forgotten about you.
It's about time for Cena to lose that strap. I'm tired of seeing his no move having ass winning all the time.
I feel vanculoed! The new guy wins the IC strap, man Dan-e-o must be pissed. Then to top it of JR and King refer to it as the coveted title, Dan-e-o must be screaming at the tv by now.
Carlito, Flair, blah blah blah.
Pretty good match from Cade and Hardy and I liked the clothesline finisher. It looked hard and painful enough, plus I remember Justin Hawk Bradshaw, so he ain't gettin exclusivity on shit.
Super Crazy pulled some wicked O's last night, but did anyone else catch the back and forth Masters, Crazy chants?
Alas, Cena wins even when the odds are stacked against him. He ain't losing that belt at Backlash, count on that. At least the crowd let him have it real good. I'm surprised they didn't edit that out.
Line of the night, "whether you love him, or hate him, you gotta respect him". Ha ha ha, Dan-e-o must have dropped right there.
Va fanculo WWE!
I'm with Jason. As much of an Umaga fan as I am (and I am) I popped for Santino's win.
Speaking of Santino......
This week on Tha O Show radio program, we will have a special guest who knows the knew IC champ VERY well, and will be giving you information on him that you won't hear anywhere else.
That's what they call a "teaser" in the radio business.
RAW was good for 2 reasons last night. Number one, we didn't see John Cena until the last segment(save an interview but we got to see Maria) and number two, John Cena wasn't on tv for more than 20 minutes of a 109 minutes show. Sadly, however I don't think that Cena will lose his championship anytime soon, and if he does it will not be for long. Cena is going to be on a reality show called fast cars and superstars and on the early promotional pics he is referred to as and has the WWE Championship. The bad news is the show doesn't start until June. Maybe it'll change and they refer to him as WWE superstar, and edit the belt out but it's doubtful, the E loves their C.
I o'd for Santino and had second thoughts, overall it was an O. If only it would have been John Cena he had beaten. Then the roof would have blown off the arena in milan, the house at Dan-e-o's and the house of pretty much every true wrestling fan.
I liked the show as a whole really, it didn't miss on much except the "fashion show" which was only filler that they didn't need, and if they do this right they could take Nitro's character a long way with a push and some reasoning for the new-found "rage."
I'd give the show an A or a B, but just because it's guilty by asscociation it's got to get a C, for John, so Cena Va Fanculo. I know I enjoyed Michaels sell for the FU, but did anyone else think he went a bit overboard? In my opinion it was a little too much.
I'm with Jason on this one. Althogh in a way it may serve to cheapen the title (although the Lashley mega-assist will forever be an asterisk), look at what it does storyline wise. It immediately introduces a new character with authority (remember when Carlito won the US title in his debut?); it gets the strap off Umaga who obviously had no other plans to defend it anytime soon, yet somehow maintain his monster status since it took a sneak attack and three chair shots to put him down; it furthers the Lashley/Umaga/McMahon storyline (although that probably is a bad thing).
Far worse than all that was the unecessary promo that Khali will be wrestling next week. Seriously - who gives a shit?
im with Jason on it i popped like the fan I am, for the IC champ. But on another note I do believe Shawn Was a little ridiculous last night Between the baby faces and flopping around like a fish out of water Im stuck wondering if there is some legitimate heat between Cena and hicklibottommine. And I understand the heat “O”sters have for Cena no selling ways but it really is part of his character he is the superhero marine of raw the constant “underdog that always succeeds no matter the odds”(boy is that an oxymoron) as much as I hate it is what he is. I believe from here on out there will be new term in the Pro wrestling dictionary and that my friends is
CENA Heat (see-nah heat) : despite an persona of a good guy said character is both booed and ridiculed by all of the mark/fan based except for the occasionally adolescent girl or kanyonized male in the said crowd. Any babyface that draws more heat then the top heal on the show
When Michaels OVERSELLS (ie HBK v Hogan SummerSlam '05) its a blatant insult to the other guy
I gotta agree with JBrown on this one. HBK made it no secret that he wasn't happy putting over the "ego-maniac" at SummerSlam a couple years ago.
And the way he completely oversold the big boot and legdrop kinda made that evident.
I wouldn't be surprised if he feels the same way, at least somewhat about Cena...I mean come on, I'm SURE the boys in the back can't be totally feeling the guy.
And as far as the comment about it's Cena's "character" not to sell...gimme a break. Do you actually beleive that?
Cena has a definite "Hogan Complex"... and hogan couldnt sell a starving man a sandwich... whether thats by design, or by high level of suckiness... thats a different debate, that i dont have the facts to take part in... i defend cena plenty, and i stand by it...
I also shit on him when i see fit...
but i dont put TOO much emphasis on "complete, total, selling" at all costs either... maybe over the past 3-4 years ive been conditioned to not even look for Cena to sell a move from 5 minutes earlier... or maybe i have a tiny brain
The only thing Cena can sell is merchandise, and thats the bottom line. Speaking of a bottom line, thats what he helps and that's why he is around.
I hadn't looked at Michaels overselling Cena as the same as he oversold Hogan, but now I see the light, and it is good. Maybe Michael Touchmybottom will legit superkick Cena next week in the WMRM and knock him out giving him no choice but to sell. That would be deserving of an OOOOOOOOOO.
lol he wouldnt do that.its wishful thinking tho cena is vinces pet. im sure cena bends over for him everynow and then
my God, Santina Marella's story on wwe.com is damn lame... so hes a randomly selected crowd member that just happens to have much pro wrestling training... WOW... no one thought ahead as to how they were going to explain this guy and his backstory
lol well what do you think was gonna happen. raw vs smackdown 2007 has better fucking storylines then the shits that been on lately
I must be losing my mind... I swear I dont even think im gonna watch RAW tonight... I'm just gonna watch Lockdown again...
I'm watching Lockdown tonight, from what I've heard and what I've seen it looks like it'd be worth watching.
Yeah it is wishful thinking that Michaels would do that. The old HBK would have, and don't think he wouldn't have. The way Shawn has been lately it looks as though the old heartbreaker isn't far from breaking the surface once more. I know it's part of the character, but even when he went up against Hogan and was heel he didnt have the heel face he's sported the last few weeks.
The E has alot on their plate with Santino right now. The backstory is a hard one to write, considering his most famous moment involves the palm of Jim Cornette's hand and his face. It would be cool to incorporate that, but since they went the fan angle it'll take them a few weeks to fully establish him.
Do you really think Cena's shit sells that good? Or is it the fact they have everything but shit with his name on it?
Hell I'm sure DX merch sells better than his.
Good for Shawn. Oversell the fucker, you're not gonna beat him anyways. Hell, the old Shawn might just be what's needed with the shit they've been putting out lately.
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Is it me or what but isn't Marella the real last name of Gorilla Monson ? His son was ref Joey Marella. I wonder if this is a tribute to Gorilla ?
I'm also so sick of Cena Iope he loses the belt to any of the 3 contenders at Backlash. I hope HBK kicks his teeth straight down his throat next week.
Why not change the name of the site to "The We Hate Cena Show"?
I think we get the point boys. You don't like Cena. Back in the day you didn't like Hogan.
Newsflash kids...you're in the smark minority. The reason that Cena is getting pushed is because the mainstream crowd actually likes the man.
broqq, thank you so much for clearing that up. Now that we know everybody else likes him, we can quit imagining that most arena's boo him.
Onto intelligent points, yes Cena's merch does sell pretty good. It isn't the top seller as indicated on WWESHOP.com but it is a high seller. The live events I've been to since he's been in power there have been a good many Cena shirts in the crowd. There are lots of Cena shirts in all crowds, mind you they are usually in youth and womens sizes. Check out WWEShop and look at all the superstars merch in the youth and womens section, it's kind of a monopoly. Cena's merch used to sell good because it was cool, it sells now because kids won't leave their parents alone until they get it, girls buy it or even make their boyfriends or husbands buy it. Jeff Hardy, DX, and Stone Cold outsell Cena currently, and those numbers can be backed up.
Cena releases 3-7 shirts a year, 2-3 sets of wristbands a year, 5-10 misc. items, and 3-5 types of headgear. Thats alot of merch to push with his mug, slogan, and all around likeness on it, so it's hard not to sell alot of it. Say 1-10 fans buys any 2 of his items, say at Ford Field, round it to 80,000 thats 160,000 items of Cena merch going out, with the lowest price being $12, so if Cena sold 160,000 sets of wristbands he just made the WWE $1920000 before they add sales tax and shipping costs, or even nothing at all at a live venue, and imagine what kickback he gets from this in the process. DX has somewhere near the amount of merch out Cena has, but alot of it was novelty, like the DXMAS shirts and christmas ornaments and easter baskets. Cena is in a brilliantly placed position to sell merch, because his is the only merch thats overly available, and some people who are casual fans know that name and buy that tshirt if they want a shirt to wear to a show.
When I was a kid I wasn't even that big of a fan of Hogan. I liked him but he wasn't one of my favorites. My favorites were Jimmy "Superfly" Snuka, JunkYard Dog, Jake the Snake, Ultimate Warroir, The Bristish Bulldogs, the Hart Foundation and Randy Savage.
After WM 9 I started to hate Hogan cause I felt he stole the spotlight away form Bret Hart, I glad Hogan left after Summer Slam that year. I almost even stopped watching wrestling cause I was so pissed Hogan walks in after Bret's and Yoko's match and wins the title.
Proud owner of a new O Show rock it in reverse black t. Hopefully this one will get here as quickly as the last one.
They don't have them in my size. :-(
That sucks, what's ur size? The large I got is a little bigger than I'd like, but I don't do too well with mediums
jbrown where you at man?
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