Talkin' Smack! - Tha Bizarro Edition

Do you hate the WWE brand extension? Ever wish it would just go away? Better yet, do you ever wish it never happened in the first place?

If the aforementioned remarks resemble you, allow me to depict a reality where that
is indeed the case. While shamelessly ripping off Superman, let's refer to this reality as "Bizarro World".

Bizarro Wrestling Entertainment or BWE for short, exists only in an alteranate universe where brand extensions simply do not exist. Every active wrestler on the BWE roster shares one ginormous locker room and constantly politics and back stabs one another as they attempt to make it to television on a weekly basis.

Let us now compare the current WWE to the alternate BWE and catch up with some of "SmackDown!"'s brightest stars. Be forewarned true believer, for BWE is not always a pleasant place to visit.

1. Mr. Kennedy

WWE...
Mr. Kennedy is one the WWE's brightest stars. "Mr. Money in the Bank" has the potential to completely shift the future of the entire WWE. Just when and where Kennedy will cash in his title shot remains to be seen, but it's clear that the impact will change the face of WWE for the foreseeable future.

BWE...
Ken Kennedy has been consistently booked in triple threat and fatal four way matches with the likes of Chris Masters, Johnny Nitro, and Jeff Hardy. Kennedy, already a former two time Intercontinental Champion, has recently developed heat with creative.

You see, Kennedy is highly frustrated that he has had minimal mic time and has yet to develop this great new gimmick he has in mind where he refers himself "Mr." and repeats his name twice.

Like that gimmick would ever get over to begin with, there's just not enough time to squeeze it in between the weekly Masterlock Challenge and DX ridiculing scantily clad midgets.

2. Finlay

WWE...
Finlay is one of the reasons why "SmackDown!" is the best wrestling program on television. The guy's beyond tough, knows every inch of that ring like the back of his hand, and brings a sense of legitimacy to the E that wrestling hasn't seen since the territory days.

He is one of the very few, along with men like William Regal and Chris Benoit, who can successfully combine a stiff throwback style with the sports entertainment feel of WWE.

No doubt, one of the things that makes Finlay's matches so enjoyable is Hornswoggle. The gimmick is gold and the guy can work his ass off. As a duo, there's no limit to potential merchandise these two can sell on Finlay's quest to the top of the proverbial mountain.

BWE...
Dave Finlay is doing one hell of a job working with OVW developmental talent and putting over guys like The Great Khali and The Boogeyman at house shows.

With Finlay's experience, he has more than a few gems of knowledge to share with these future BWE Superstars.

As for Hornswoggle, he too has found himself a place in the BWE. This time as one of the afforementioned scantily clad midgets DX ridicules on a near weekly basis.

3. MVP

WWE...
There are very few wrestlers who have the potential for greatness in the next few years the likes of MVP. There's even fewer guys who can hang hold for hold with Chris Benoit.

He's got the skills, charisma and that intangible "it" factor second only to perhaps Mr. Kennedy himself. Give MVP time. Not only will he be a multi-time United States Champion, but it's a matter of destiny to become the WWE or World Heavyweight Champion.

BWE...
Like the Masterlock Challenge, the MVP shtick where he wrestles fake champions from all over the world has now surpassed the one year mark. But hey, why ruin a sure fire way to generate heat?

In fact, the crowd only boos louder for John Cena. Chants like "change the channel" and "TNA! TNA!" (yes TNA's existence also plagues Bizarro World) can only mean one thing; the fans hate MVP. They can't wait to see him lose. There hasn't been a heat magnet in BWE since the days of Roddy Piper himself.

The fans won't have to wait much longer, however, because next week he's going to drop the gimmick by getting pinned for the first time ever by a man wearing a mask and billed from Tijuana, Mexico. In fact, this is the absolutely perfect way for MTV reality television star The Miz to make his BWE debut!

4. Brian Kendrick and Paul London

WWE...
These guys shocked the wrestling world by successfully defending the WWE tag titles for damn near almost a year, putting tag team wrestling back on the E's radar screen in the process.

You'd be hard pressed to find two more gifted athletes the likes of London and Kendrick. Both graduates of Shawn Michaels' wrestling school, there's no limit to the success the two former ROH stars can achieve in the future.

BWE...
Paul London, a former Cruiserweight Champion, has been off television for the past couple months due a lack of a creative direction. Though he's one hell of a worker, there just isn't much else for a guy London's size in the current BWE.

Brian "Spanky" Kendrick on the other hand, has been released by the company and is sitting out the rest of his no compete clause until he makes his debut in TNA's X-division.

5. JBL

WWE...
Perhaps nobody has ever changed the course of his career with a gimmick change more than the incomparable JBL.

JBL put "SmackDown!" on the map at a time when it was struggling to stay afloat. He defined a new flavor of WWE television, and helped to create a refreshing alternative to "Raw".

Switching from an in ring competitor to color commentator was absolutely no problem for the "wrestling god" as he has seamlessly already become my favorite color man of all time surpassing the lengendary Bobby "The Brain" Heenan and Jesse Ventura.

BWE...
Bradshaw has recently reformed the new and improved APA with a fresh newcomer and genetic freak by the name of Bobby Lashley. Though the two don't quite have the on screen chemistry Bradshaw had with Faarooq, Lashley looks like a million bucks.

Though the new APA only debut two weeks ago, they will get a shot at the tag team titles against the current champs Mark Henry and Umaga in just one week at Backlash. To take a page out of good old JR's book, it's going to be a
slobberknocker for sure!

Welcome back to reality. Welcome back to a great time to be a WWE fan. Welcome back to a time where brand extensions save careers and "SmackDown!" continues to be the strongest damn two hours of televised wrestling on the planet!

Stay tuned, true believer...

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