The excitement was in the air. The vibe was electric. The chips and dip, veggies, and beer were ready to go. It was a party atmosphere last night at my crib as I sat down with members of Tha O Show staff to take in...the most predictable pay-per-view in recent memory.Wow.
Nearly half-way through WrestleMania 23, just after Chris Benoit's victory I believe it was, I proudly remarked how I was calling all the matches (a 3-0 record at that point, to Donnie's 0-3). By the end of the event, my ability to correctly predict the outcome of 7 out of the 8 matches at 'Mania was less something to be proud of...and more something to feel utterly disappointed about.
Where do I begin?
As PREDICTED, the Money In The Bank Ladder Match was Tha O-match of the evening. As I PREDICTED, Jeff Hardy had the biggest O-spot of the bout. His double legdrop off of the ladder inside the ring, to Edge lying on a ladder purched outside of the ring - breaking all abovementioned humans and objects in half - was sick! Kennedy's Kenton Bomb to Hornswoggle also deserves props.Speaking of Kennedy, as PREDICTED, he went over. Only problem was that the finish was totally anti-climatic! No rush of superstars trying to push each other off the ladder. No double climb between two stars to the top of the ladder to battle it out for the big prize. Just a slow uncontested climbing of the rungs. And an even slower let-me-just-methodically-unhook-this-case ending to the match.
We were all left scratching our heads going...is that it? A good match...but it paled in comparison to the MITB matches before it.
Kane VS. The Great Khali. As PREDICTED...ho, hum. Khali wins. Next match please.
I just knew (in fact, the only one at Tha O Show who knew) that Chris Benoit would retain his championship. Even with MVP's special WrestleMania entrance, I just knew it was too soon for him to wear the 'coveted' U.S. strap. I stood proudly as the ONLY one in the room who PREDICTED that Benoit would retain his championship.What I did NOT predict is how lame the finish to THAT match would be. His flying headbutt scores him the pinfall? You mean Benoit's classic I-miss-this-half-of-the-time flying headbutt is his WrestleMania finisher? I'm glad he won. But man, that was weak.
Here's another "I didn't see this coming" moment. The World Heavyweight Title Match is fourth on the card!! What?
The Undertaker proved that he is one of the best workers in this business' history. Contrary to what my brother Brian believes...Taker has WAY more than two moves in his arsenal. Not the least of which was his "look Ma no hands!" fly over the top ropes. Right up there with Jeff Hardy as an "O of the Night" candidate.The finish - THANK GOD!! - saw Taker not only become World Champion, but retain his winning streak at WrestleMania. Here's hoping he retires undefeated. Here's DOUBLE hoping that Batista's run in the title picture is buried quicker than Benoit's.
Batista makes me feel like I'm Eric Cartman of South Park: "I hate you Batista. I hate you so very, very...very much".
The only match of the night that I did not predict correctly was the ECW Originals VS. The New Breed match. Not sure what it does for the vets to go over...but considering that this was an ECW match...I think I'll just revel in the fact that I batted 1.000 in my WWE picks.Actually no. That's the point. The fact that the event was so predictable is what made it so poor. We, as wrestling fans, prayed and hoped against all hope that WM23 would give us something to be excited about. Many of the indy workers who leant their thoughts to our radio show last week commented on not being as amped as they used to be for WrestleMania this year.
Vince...listen up...this is why: Sure, we may appreciate that you have the best facial expressions in the game. We appreciate that you'll go so far as to have your head shaved for the benefit of our entertainment (like the entire WORLD didn't PREDICT that happening) but for God's sake Vincent Kennedy McMahon...SURPRISE US ONCE IN A WHILE!!
What I'm basically trying to say is...
FUCK JOHN CENA!!!!! GODDAMMIT...I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE!!!
ARE YOU KIDDING ME???? WHY??? FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, WHY IS THIS FUCKIN' CLOWN STILL THE CHAMP???!?!?!
*Takes a deep breath* (No disrespect to the ladies, Melina won her match as predicted...yadda, yadda, yadda, no one cares...okay).
*Exhales*
I swear to God, if there is one...just one, single, solitary human being alive out there who can convincingly explain to me why John Cena should be the face of this company, I will sell you my share of Tha O Show.com.Shawn Michaels moonsaults off the ropes on to Cena bending him in half on the announce table. Cena no-sells the back injury.
Shawn Michaels pounds Cena's knee repeatedly into the ring post working the body part like a pro. Cena no-sells the knee injury.
Shawn Michaels pile drives Cena into the steel steps. Cena is up and running around the ring delivering shoulder tackles like it's fuckin' scrimmage time!
The match ends...AS PREDICTED, with Cena retaining a title that Hornswoggle deserves more than he does. The Detroit fans boo. Vince is not listening. Cena walks around doing the best damn no-selling this world has ever seen...and we are left wondering why the fuck we get so excited about WrestleMania every year.
I'm done. O-sters...your thoughts please.
31 comments: on "Predicta-Mania!!"
Ben,
it's not about the finishes to us, that's the point of the article...it's about the overall performances of the competitors in each match.
Cena cannot sell. He is absolutely horrible.
The back and forth false finishes and finishing move escapes in the main event is as much HBK as it is Cena...simply doing what was planned.
I implore to write an article putting over this event because it was not...as you say...'damn solid'.
ladder match was ass.
Where the fuck was
Orton?
Booker?
Finlay?
The Hardys?
Did any of them take a bump sick enough to keep them off camera that long?
Did Punk get ANY measurable offence in?
B.S.
Look, if Khali ever goes down to pin anybody there would have to be a forklift and a couple of "angels by the turnbuckles" to get that slapass back up. You see the way he walks, I'm surprised he hasn't screwed up any spots by just being clumsy. Didn't get to see Mania this year, is it worth waiting for the DVD?
Orton hit the RKO on everybody in the match (including a sick one off of the ladder), but was invisible for the rest of the match.
For a guy Finlay's age, he took some decent bumps.
Like I had said a few weeks ago, WWE does the same thing everytime they have a match involving three or more competitors. All are out cold while two fight, and the two who are fighting interchanges throughout the course of the match. Which means the other competitors have take some high spots and oversell them.
The only real offense Punk got was when he put the ladder over his head and swung it around. Aside from that, typical pay-per-view treatment of Punk. I would have died a happy man if he hit the Pepsi Plunge from the top of a ladder. Fuck you, Triple H.
Money In The Bank could have been a lot better, but I believe it was also far from the clusterfuck everyone feared it would be.
So that's how you get rid of that anonymous tag hm
Ben imsure your use to me being anti what ever you say but not this time you have it right on the money. Maybe becuase i was there i feel this way but wwe delivered I loved the cen back in forth with my hometown crowd i loved the finnish and i belive both HBK and Cena delivered a great match the only negative was the piss break match of Kanevs Khali in fact all of most of the people sitting where i was went to the bathroom or t-shirt stands
all in all i got your back on this one
So? Think Owen Hart would have been stuck with that Blue Blazer gimmick had Triple H not kept burying him? Triple H is a phony politician who had to learn the hard way that karma's a bitch.
The Pepsi Plunge is a sick move, but Punk's not allowed to use it because "it looks too much like the Pedigree." Yeah, forget letting him use a move that would get a huge pop. Let's massage Hunter's ego instead.
My bad...
O's do go out to Shane O Mac (always an O getter) and Ricky The Dragon Steamboat (his part in the backstage party was awesome).
Kane/Khali was NO tribute to Hogan/Andre...are you kidding me?
And what will it take for Cena to get props on this site. Learn how to work.
You really think he had the match of his career. He completely no-sold for one of the greatest workers in the game ever.
Cena sucks dude...I know it, Detroit knew it...Sign of the night: "CEN-A NUFF"
What do you see in this guy?
Boudreau:
you mentioned spots
BUT WHERE WERE THOSE GUYS AT THE FINISH????????????????????????????
Cena got me so hot, I forgot to give out more credit where it's due...
Matt Striker bumped like a champ last night.
and diss some others...
Trump not being scared of Boogeyman was wack...not hilarious.
Flair in a dark match? What the fuck?
K...I'll save the rest for the radio show...
I'm not so sure if Striker's bumping was all of his own accord. In my opinion, RVD looked a lot stiffer than usual. The man deserves another run with the title, so long as he can refrain from speeding and weeding while the champ.
He does have multiple finishers. He uses the Anaconda Vice and that Fireman's Carry into knee to the face thing. I can't remember the name offhand. I personally do enjoy his work in ECW, and believe that if it does seem dry or boring, it's WWE creative telling him to be that way and not a signal of his skills diminishing.
I agree with your take Ben Boudreau. What will it take to like Cena? I love HBK as much as everyone else (I even hate that they use the DX music over Sexy Boy) but for all the beatings he took, why is everybody ok with him just popping back up to his feet from flat on his back? I love the second wind / energy surge / adrenaline rush comebacks. Cena sold the leg injury while it was happening but then he had his comback power just as HBK did. I was pleased. Sometimes the uber smarks are just too smark to have a good time.
-c
I can certainly see your and Ben's point, but the problem is he's no-sold so many times in big matches. His matches with Umaga, he got the shit kicked out of him, and somehow he magically became fine when it was time for him to win the match. Hogan used to do a similar thing, but at least he sold during the rest of the match, and he at least "hulked up" to let the fans know it was coming. Cena's bumps somehow magically heal at the drop of a hat right at the end when it's time for him to lock on that God-awful submission.
You know why punks a bore in the wwe BECAUSE ITS WWE PUNK. Second i thought wrestlemania was good, money in the bank was sick best match of the night and MINB so far. I'm so glad that taker won but this is what i thinks gonna happen next year at mania the streak ends and taker goes into the sunset, which makes me sick.i thought the cena match was good but i FUCKIN HATE CENA SO MUCH, heres why the bitch is popular vince sees HOGAN and The Rock in him, hense his 5 moves like hogan and his promo skills copying the rock and still the young kids like him and some of the women like him. that ending was fuckin predictable too, i hope to god they turn him heel. im done venting
You'd think that after being booed at so many pay-per-views over the past year, including WrestleMania 22 and 23, Vince would finally pull his shiny, bald head out of his ass and either turn him heel or take him out of the main event picture.
of course he wont, how much i hate to say it cena will never be heel again because somehow the most hated man in all of wrestling even more then triple h makes money
I swear Shane O'Mac is god...
My O of the night was Kennedy saying he was Mr. Money In The Bank and walking off camera and then running back on and grabbing the mic just to say "Bank..." Hillarious.
In the first part of the match Cena sold really well. I was surprised. He shoulda did what Benoit did with the Crossface and have Cena not be able to do the STFU.
My favorite sign was the sign that had a checklist of 'Taker's wins at Mania. Thought that was pretty cool.
There's no way Vince can continue to ignore the OVERWELMING boos. Cena is public enemy number one. He's the most non-believable Face ever. He's a heel and doesn't even know it lol.
On a scale of 1-10 Mania was a 6. Mr. E O said it best, FUCK JOHN CENA, but I'll add, FUCK JOHN CENA IN THE FUCKING FACE. He's shit. I agree with Buryme, he's absolutely right as to why Cena's on top. Well, either that or he takes it up the ass from Mcmahon. Seriously I've never seen two champions at the same time(til Taker won) suck so fucking bad. I'm telling you the truth, after last night I'd buy Kennedy's buddy Hornswaggle as WWE champ over Cena. 2 years in a row a top guy has tapped out to the head-hugger.
Onto H, I like him sometimes, but when I think about it, he's a politicing, married to the boss' daughter cocksucker. Punk can't use the plunge because it does look like the pedigree, you can't argue that. If you know what the pepsi plunge is. He has about 7. Lets see, the Vice, the firemans carry into the face buster, pepsi plunge, shining wizard, .45 special the reverse indian deathlock move, the split legged moonsault, the texas cloverleaf with an armlock. Dude has an amazing arsenal of moves, but he is so watered down in the E. If you wonder why, pop in your Survivor Series DVD. If you don't have it think back. Team DX comes out and who does the crowd chant for? CM MOTHER FUCKING PUNK. H didn't like it, he couldn't have, it had to have hurt his ego, which I've heard is as big as his nose. If H don't like you, you wont = shit unless there is no other choice. No matter how fucked Kurt Angles brain is, he's said for so long that H didn't like him and didn't think he was big enough to be "the guy" so he wasn't. He was a joke, comic relief, and used so many times to put over shitty wrestlers it isn't funny.
On a side not, I swear to God I thought my TV was messing up, because it looked to me like Kennedy was in slow motion when he got the briefcase.
WM23 was better than average, NOT great by any stretch. It is the only PPV I buy each year and EXCEPT for that HORRIBLE show from VEGAS, it delivers.
I'm on the fence about CENA. I liked the old character, not this MARINE thing he has going on. The movie tanked, the DVDs are sold, so move the character along. Cena has held onto the belt for the better part of 2 years and has headlined the lest three WMs!
He has the potential to be really good, but they are keeping him Vanilla to appeal to his large kid fanbase. And there is no harm in that in the long run. There are lots of guys to challenge him, and the ROCK and LESNAR are not coming back any time soon, so it may be better to keep him around for a while until his fanbase grows up and he can get a little bit darker.
Face it, I think most of us on this site are post-25, maybe lots are post-30, (like me). We rocked when the original DX came along, HOGAN went Hollywood, and Austin brought out 3:16. That time will return; we just have to make it throught the phase with a few DOINK's and DINK's thrown in for mid-card amusement!
Take heart, CENA will surprise you later on!
cena will surprise me HA, unlikely
The only 2 ways Cena could surprise me would be 1, turn heel and make a fuck. #2, take Jason Sensation's idea.
Or drop off the face of the planet. Or just go to Hollywood and come back for special appearances, that are few and far between. Like sometime between far from now and, NEVER.
I think somebody said it on here before, but it hit me last night.
Going into last nights mania 4 active WWE superstars had ongoing WRESTLEMANIA undefeated streaks. Edge, Batista, John Cena and Undertaker. Well, Edge got screwed. Batista's amazing 2-0 was ended by Taker. Cena kept his alive and is now at 4-0. So what I'm guessing is this. They will start tonight by maybe hinting that 2 active guys have undefeated streaks. It'll get hotter as we get closer to the end of '07 and will steamroll and get hot and at WRESTLEMANIA 24 live in Orlando Florida when the world is watching and to quote JBL when the lights are on bright, Undertaker will tap out to the headhugger. That is the day I will quit watching wrestling, and dreaming of working for the E.
I thought Mania was pretty good.
No Flair, no problem. Same for Carlito.
MITB had the O's, but lame finish.
I personally think boh Cena and Batista had the best matches they've had in a long while.
Can anyone explain to me the end to the Women's match? It looked like a fuck up to me.
that dream died long time ago for me
BTW...Did anyone else see the guy jump in the ring? I believe it was before the HBK match.
Skitlez I heard about that, but while watching it here, all it showed was an extreme close up of Shawn Michaels jumping around the ring.
I said earlier fallenone that Melina's hands should have at least hit the mat for 2 or even 1 count in her bridge attempt. One of the 3 bodies in that ring screwed up royally on that night.
Riddle me this. Why the hell did Shawn Michaels come out to the DX music? Did Triple H's ego need another stroking?
I should've expected someone to cry about Mania... i just dont see why... of course you could "predict" it you're a mark if you cant... WM23 is the best product WWE has put out since the turn of the century... and that's gospel... you know you havent seen better
Benoit v MVP was a nice sound technical match where MVP didnt go over but instead looked like a good wrestler.... isnt that what we want?
Umaga v Lashley wasnt wretched and who doesnt want shane-o-mac to show up from time to time... Trump is funny without trying or intending...
Taker's entrance was worth all $50 for me... and the match was excellent... Dave done everything right... and Taker is just amazing
Cena v Michaels was a sound 30 minutes of a great ME... it had it all... mad reversals, sick spots, michaels pulling out some old moves (when was the last time the guy pulle dout an enziguri?)
SO COMPLAIN AND WHINE AND BITCH AND MOAN... i'm glad i know how to enjoy myself
oh, did cena wrench in that STFU in enough for anyone's liking? damn!
Was WrestleMania 23 a total waste of time? No. But was it the best WrestleMania isince the turn of the century? Not even close. WrestleMania X7 and WrestleMania XIX made WrestleMania 23 look like No Way Out by comparison.
MVP surprised us all. I did not think he had that kind of technical wrestling in him. Maybe a few years down the road, this guy is going to be the real deal after all. Go go Power Rangers. I originally thought that he needed to win the title to be elevated to a legit midcarder. Turns out that he showed enough skills to elevate himself without the gold. I originally just liked his entrance, his theme music, and being able to make fun of his ring attire, but now I actually am starting to think the guy has potential.
I saw the guy jump in the ring. They showed him for like 3 seconds. He pulled his shirt off and he was just wearing white shorts. It was funny. You could see HBK waving to him.
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