Cyber Sunday Predictions...Come True!

NOTE: This article was SUPPOSED to have been posted on Saturday. Due to technical errors with our online service provider, it did not post. Although the pay-per-view has already taken place, Big Daddy Donnie and I figured that we O'd it to you O-sters to print the article. We apologize for the inconvenience.

This Sunday marks the taking place of WWE's "most interactive pay-per-view in history". As in...more interactive, than say...No Mercy? What does that tagline really mean anyway? Either way, the concept of having fans select different opponents, match types and stipulations for matches makes for an interesting event, if nothing else. Actually, as mentioned in previous columns, it makes for an excellent marketing tool for WWE and its website...but hey, I'll play along.

Here's Tha "O" Show's predictions:

Kane will be selected to be Umaga's opponent. For no other reason, than the majority of WWE fans (who more than likely, spend the better part of their day in front of a computer) are not only marks, but morons. Sandman, an ECW star, should be a lot more over with fans. He would be with more TV time...and I'm not talking about just ECW TV time, but for now, he'll go unnoticed.

And Chris Benoit, as great a wrestler as he is, will never get the credit he deserves as a top superstar. Wouldn't either of these two individuals make a more compelling match with the undefeated Umaga than the ever-mediocre and 'been there done that'-like Kane? Of course. But Kane will be chosen...and defeated again.

Winner: Umaga

For the four-way tag team match, in all probability, a Texas Tornado match will be chosen. A gauntlet-like Tag Team Turmoil match may take too long for a non-championship affair and a fatal-four-way has too much of a 'main event' ring to it. So the clusterfuck would seem to be the logical choice.

Considering that The Highlanders have had less wins than losses, Cade and Murdoch have been working generally as DX whipping boys and Viscera and Haas are even lucky to be on the PPV, Cryme Tyme will be victorious. They are the fresh, new tag-team that is still in their 'we just got here'-push stage, so it's clear they'll come out on top.

Expect them to 'yoink' another of Jerry Lawler's possessions post-match as well. I'm guessing this time around, The King's laptop mysteriously disappears.

Winners: Cryme Tyme

Jeff Hardy will predictably put his Intercontinental Championship on the line against Carlito. Being the only babyface of the three choices, Carlito is the logical choice for the marks and computer nerds who will be running this pay-per-view. Backstage, before this is announced, however, Shelton Benjamin will look the most pissed off at the desicion, possibly hinting towards some revenge-taking the next night on "Raw".

Don't expect our favourite Puerto Rican to grab the gold just yet though. Hardy's IC reign seems to be a strong one...and a better rivalry with increased heat between opponents is necessary before the title changes hands. (Besides, I need Hardy to retain his belt to stack up some points for my WWE Fantasy roster). Sadly, this match, like most of Cyber Sunday, will come off very "Raw"-like, lacking the intensity usually implemented in PPV encounters.

Winner: Jeff Hardy

DX VS. Edge and Randy Orton. If the WWE 'control of the marks'-strategy continues, Eric Bischoff will be selected for the guest referee of this match. Quite simply, because WWE has been promoting Eric's new Controversy Creates Cash book so much, pushing him down the throats of WWE viewers, they will naturally think to select him. My bet is that they don't even show The Coach and Vinnie Mac awaiting the decision backstage. WWE will likely be so confident in the vote that Bischoff will already be clad in a referee shirt, ready to make his walk towards the ring just seconds after it is announced that he was voted as guest referee.

Sounds like a joke, right? Well, here's what will end up being the REAL joke. For most of the match, E will be playing the role of the straight-shooting, calling-it-down-the-middle ref. And the competitors will be performing a comedy match! Yep...I bet DX plays up their comedic antics at the expense of Edge and Orton. It'll be strange considering the supposed heat and genuine angst these two teams are supposed to have for each other. But DX will have the crowd popping so loud during their cliche introduction with some Hulk Hogan-like crowd-pointing and catch phrase-yelling, that no one will notice.

Thing is, the joke will be on DX. Their winning ways will finally come to an end at Cyber Sunday as Eric Bischoff will ensure an Edge/Orton victory through some questionable officiating.

Winners: Edge and Orton

As mentioned earlier, I'd love to see "Rowdy" Roddy Piper be Ric Flair's partner this Sunday. While the prospect of having Dusty Rhodes selected is more intriguing - Flair and Rhodes have a long and storied history as rivals in this industry - I'm old-school WWF, so it'd be cool to see Hot Rod go at it again. Problem is, Piper's likely to look more out of shape than the rotund Rhodes! Either way, the WWE marks (I'm one of 'em in this case) will choose Piper because they are most familiar with him.

Here's the kicker...the old timers are gonna win the titles! Considering that the Spirit Squad have been having their troubles - most notably pissing off Kenny, the youngest and seemingly most agile of the crew - the Squad's loss this Sunday will probably have them break up shortly after. 'Bout time that guys like Ken Doane and Johnny Jeter lose the cheerleader gimmick and truly prove their worth as wrestlers anyways.

Winners: Flair and Piper

Man, I hope the WWE fans select a Diva Lumberjacks match this for Cyber Sunday. Not only because I have my two wives, Layla and Kristal selected in my WWE Fantasy roster this week and could really use the points if they show up for the PPV...but for a match as (sorry to say it) meaningless as this one, who wouldn't want to see the entire WWE Diva roster just to spice up the affair?

I predict they'll even bring out the vixens from ECW to join in the fun. If I had the book, the tournament would have included Divas...excuse me...female WRESTLERS from each of the brands to compete for this title. You know, to perhaps give the title a bit more...legitimacy? (Don't laugh). Either way, I believe Lita will become champ again...even though rumour has it that she's in the last month of her contract that will go un-renewed. Perhaps, she'll be given the Trish-treatment.

Winner: Lita

As mentioned before, the punk-ass marks who the Cyber Sunday concept caters to will choose King Booker's World Title as the one to be defended at the PPV. Well, I hope that's what happens. Because all that will mean is the King of the World will also be the Champion of Champions. No title is going anywhere...and no character is better suited for this highly acclaimed title than King Booker.

Easily the best character and best wrestler in the match, WWE would be wise to keep our mighty ruler on top of the wrestling world. Marks who think selecting his title will mean the king will be dethroned are merely moronic peasants and are no more worthy to vote as they are to breathe the same air as our mighty king. If I've said it once, I've said it a thousand times to little dumb-ass kids in movie theatres where we've watched PPV's in the past..."All Hail King Booker!"

Winner: King Booker

ANOTHER NOTE: In case, it wasn't obvious already: This article...just like Cyber Sunday...is a work. The "votes" of the fans are nothing more than a measuring stick...if that. I highly....really highly doubt that we had a hand in selecting anything at all.

Why were all the Divas present at ringside before it was even announced that they were to be involved in the Diva Lumberjack match? Why was Bischoff already in a referee's shirt and Vince and Coach not even at the pay-per-view? Why was Kevin Federline available for a run-in on his new-found nemesis John Cena costing Cena the chance to win the World Title? (How fucked up is this for me to say? - I'm a K-Fed fan! And no, it has nothing to do with his CD. If I were him, I'd pray for a permanent WWE job).

The entire PPV ran just as WWE wanted it to. The "choices" were selected based on what made the most sense storyline-wise. We didn't actually predict everything that was written in this article would happen before Cyber Sunday took place...but WWE sure did.

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