"O" Mercy!

Wow. Maybe WWE's new schtick is to promote what appears to be a lackluster pay-per-view. That way, it is almost sure to easily exceed all of our expectations. If that's the case, then this new angle works for me.

SmackDown's No Mercy pay-per-view last night, for all of its ups and downs, was well worth the theatre admission price. And yes, Big Daddy Donnie and I went to a movie theatre (a rarity for us...it can be embarrassing to be surrounded by wrestling "fans" and realize you're actually one of them! Witnessing a true mark revel in his own wrestling-nerdiness is truly a pathetic sight) as his cable box was inoperative on this evening.

Anyway, back to the show. What looked to be a weak event on paper turned out to be a very well performed event.

To refer to Matt Hardy and Gregory Helms as curtain jerkers, in this instance, would be downright disrecpectful. They started the show with a bang, to use the most cliche term possible. Its evident these two cats have a long history with each other (it was also evident that Raleigh, North Carolina don't show their hometown boys nearly as much love as they deserve. Ever heard of 'popping' people?).

The back and forth style of this match was off the hook. Near pins and false finishes galore, these two pulled off a masterpiece of a match. All that was missing was Matt Hardy using The Shining Wizard as a finisher - Japanese style - as the two kicked out of each other's finishers several times and it looked as if Helms was set up for it before he was pinned. This would have been the match of the night had it not been for Regal and Benoit's surprise encounter. I'll get to that in a minute.

The following tag team championship match was just about as hype as the opening bout. Not enough credit is given to Brian Kendrick and Paul London for being the high-flying O-masters that they are. The dives they take, not to mention quick-tag, action packed style, keeps all of their matches entertaining. JBL comments on this incessantly.

In fact, I HAVE to tip my hat to JBL here. Both he and Cole called this PPV probably better than any other event I have ever heard them call. Specifially with Bradshaw though, he makes Tazz look like....well, Tazz. Unlike your average heel colour commentator, JBL also cracks on heels, openly giving his comments a very shoot-like feel. He admittedly hates characters liks The Miz, Sylvan and now, MVP. And with good reason. They all suck!

And not just storyline wise...these guys actually do suck. And more importantly, if you REALLY want to get a good grasp on who the most talented wrestlers in the business are, you'll pay close attention to JBL's commentary. Sure it's full of jokes at times ("Matt Hardy's ex-girlfriends will all be at No Mercy with Edge or someone else") but he also is enlightening ("Matt Hardy is a main event waiting to happen").

His commentary during the surprise William Regal and Chris Benoit match was especially good. I've said many times that Regal is an excellent ring technician and it goes without saying that Benoit is one of the best of all time. Their match tonight was, as they say, a 'wrestling clinic'. Awesome spots and even better holds, back and forth...not to mention a sick headbutt that busted both competitors' heads open. It was the match of the night, we thought and JBL continually put the two over...and I think Regal needed it the most. He was the night's REAL MVP.

The guy is a true company man. Who can you think of, still on the roster, that has had to endure more embarrassing situations than Regal? Having to wrestle in women's clothing, having to be paired with Eugene, being the first member of the Vince McMahon Kiss My Ass Club...and of course, last night at No Mercy, having to bathe in ketchup and mustard only to be part of a ridiculous shower scene, that involved an excess of unneccesary nudity that WWE has actually already apologized for on their website.

The guy is a workhorse in the ring...and as JBL said, guys like MVP need to be put in a match with Regal and Benoit (a shoot comment in my book...not that it would be entertaining to see MVP wrestle these pros, but just to see the guy get his ass kicked) but more seriously young up and comers should take notes and learn how it should be done.

Hats off to the returning Benoit and the grossly underrated William Regal. I really hope that these two have an ongoing series of amazing matches. It would help put them both over and it definitely would entertain the hell out of me. Not enough can be said about their respective flawless execution of the various holds and awesome sell jobs. So I'll leave it at that. If you missed No Mercy, you definitely missed out.

Now, No Mercy wasn't all that dope. As mentioned, it had its downs, and the aforementioned MVP was WAY down there. First off, not since Flash Funk have I seen a wrestler wear such ridiculous ring gear. I remarked that he looked like an overgrown Dallas Cowboys (or Mavericks) cheerleader. Gay does not begin to describe it. The crowds chants of "Power Ranger" only scratch the surface of how bad he looked. And very appropriately, JBL tore into him. Again, I love how legit a commentator JBL is. He really speaks to the true "wrestling" fan...and not so much to the sports-entertainment junkie.

Anyway, perhaps MVP's wrestling gear was appropriate...because it matched his in-ring abilities...horrible. This is how you debut? And on a pay-per-view? This guy was far from impressive and if he isn't ashamed of how he looked and performed tonight, he's not gonna get very far in this business. I think, at this point anyway, WWE dropped the ball on how to promote this guy. All this hype on being "the world's greatest athlete" and he can't even quickly squash a guy no one has ever heard of before. More importantly, he didn't perform one single move that was remotely impressive or somewhat athletic. Shelton Benjamin, he is NOT.

And I simply can't post this review without mentioning Layla. I could have definitely done without seeing The Miz or the baby oil-soaked fat dude again (what's up with this guy? who is he? what's his purpose?) but I swear that Layla would be impregnated upon sight if I ever meet her in person. DAMN, the girl is fine!!

Hats off to Mr. Kennedy and The Undertaker as well. I hate that the match ended with Taker being DQ'd, but they also had a well performed encounter. It would have been nice if the Deadman had put "the future" of the company over though...even if he cheated for the win. I'm the biggest Undertaker mark I know, but Kennedy deserved the rub.

And finally...it must be mentioned. One of the few times Big Daddy and I ever went to a movie theater to watch a PPV in the past was when JBL was embroiled in a Fatal Four Way with Booker T, Eddie Guerrero and The Undertaker at Armageddon. Ever the heel, Big Daddy was cheering for JBL all night. Subject to jeers, boos and exclamations of disrespect throughout the event, the 6 foot 8 loudmouth was steadfast in his allegiance to the then-champion and upon JBL's victory (which we both predicted) proceeded to stick it to everyone in the theatre. Holding his replica WWE Championship belt high, Donnie yelled at everyone who was still around to listen: "J-B-L! J-B-L! J-B-L!"

Tonight was no different. Except the JBL chants were replaced with "All Hail King Booker!". Oh it's hard to be humble. No one seemed to think the King would retain. We actually got some monkey-headed moron sitting in front of us to cuss in front of his kids because we were "so loud". To which I exclaimed, "Hey, watch your language in front of the king, you peasant!!".

Oh, to be a wrestling fan when your favourite wins...and retains his title...and everyone else hates him. Hey, maybe WE'RE the nerdy-ass marks everyone else avoids going to the movie theatre for!

Don't matter...if WWE keeps their pay-per-views AT LEAST at the level of No Mercy last night...I'll keep watching. It's nice to not diss the product for a change. Of course, John Cena wasn't on the card.

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