As I let out a huge exasperated exhale in disgust of the current WWE Champion, I simultaneously wonder...why am I even writing about this dude? Are the O-sters sick of me bitching about him? I know I am tiring of talking about him myself.
Are my observations so obvious, they don't even warrant yet another O Show column? Perhaps...
And yet...I cannot help but to utilize the opportunity that I've presented myself in being co-founder of the internet's fastest growing wrestling site, to publicly call for the head of one...John Cena.
I could write extensively, as is well known by now, about the numerous Cena-isms that piss me off. But I'll just stick to just one, for fear, I may be presenting my disdain with an over-abundance of vigor - potentially unpleasant to the average O-ster. (For the record, I'm dedicating my use of prose in this article to a true inspiration to sports entertainment genius - our World Champion King Booker).
Okay...I'll cut the shit. (Or the Cena, same thing).
Cena can't sell. Period. If you owned a shop of any kind and John Cena was not a professional wrestler but instead an applicant for a job at your store, you'd be smart not to hire him.
He can't sell a thing.
Bobby Lashley has lost matches...even the King of the Ring tournament final, if I remember correctly, by being hit by Finlay's "shilayleigh" (seriously, how do you spell that shit anyway?).
Batista himself (who I'm no fan of) has fallen as a result of receiving a blow from that unspellable weapon carried around by the Irishman who 'loves to fight'.
And yet on this past Monday's edition of "Raw", countless clobbers to the head of Cena from this shilayleigh could not keep him down. Could not draw a drop of blood. Could not keep Cena from fighting off Sir William Regal and Finlay as they tried to force him to kiss the foot of King Booker.
What is it going to take for John Cena to play along? Is he taking his popularity for granted and feeling like he doesn't have to try that hard? Or is he supposed to be the new Hulk Hogan who can't be beaten up? No, wait. Even Hulk sold his injuries.
Even as the threesome of Finlay, Regal and Book left the ring while Cena was laying...well, actually not really laying...but instead sitting there grimacing in 'pain' as if someone accidentally walked into him and bumped him over...I thought, Cena is the champion alright...champion of not selling a beatdown!
Shilayleigh shots, King Booker's signature scissors kick, repeated stomps and punches (that looked pretty stiff too, I guess the vets figured Cena deserved some real licks)...none of that could keep Cena down for too long.
If all wrestlers were like John Cena, we'd REALLY know how fake wrestling is. Nothing would be believable. I am SO not entertained by watching this guy. I don't know how else to say it.
Sorry guys...from now on, I promise to all our loyal O-sters, I'll do my best to not be so redundant...and to give Cena a LOT less press here on Tha O Show...positive or negative...it's just so hard to buy that this guy is tops in the company.
How can anyone buy it? He doesn't sell!!!
17 comments: on "Death of a Salesman"
The ONLY thing that ever made a Hogan match compelling was his ability to sell.
During the height of each title run, he had the ability to make you think ANYONE was capable of beating him. That's what made his eventual win so dramatic and emotional for his fans.
The thing about the higlandres wasn't the same... It wasn't a ''real'' loss because they didn't even fight. Whatever since i'm watching John Cena i hate him and i just hope he go to hollywood do movies...
The only thing more redundant than your anti-Cena rants is the whole King Booker schtick. Week in week out its the same bad English accent, the same 3-on-1 beatdown, the same winning-with-a-little-help-from-my-friends. I seem to recall one Stone Cold no-selling on many occasions. Bashing a guy for not wrestling the "right" way is like giving a drummer s**t for not being able to do a blast beat - you're just nitpicking. I'm still waiting for the day when we get a heel champ who doesn't need assistance in winning matches - oh, and of course the day when Umaga gets run over by Gillberg.
I just wrote the same about Triple H no-selling a lead pipe, and everyone responded about how the business isn't the same.
Cena does it, and he's public enemy number one. The amount of attention this website gives to John Cena is ridiculous. To answer your question, yes, it's overboard.
I was also sort of amazed at how the women's league was put in it's place. Girls like Stratus and Lita worked to add some legitimacy for a sideshow league, and then they have the former women's champion lose to a man with his arm tied behind his back in 30 seconds? I mean yeah, she shouldnt have been able to win, but you'd think she'd be able to muster more than a low blow and a eye rake, or wriggle out of his one damn move!
I take exception to your "Things you learned from Tha O Show"...
We have never suggested John Cena ruined wrestling's credibility. It has simply been said that Cena's charcater lacks credibility, and in large part, that is his own doing.
We never said Eddie won the WWE strictly because he was latino. Was that a factor? Sure... but Eddie was over like condoms at a whore house. He was the hot guy and they rode him through several PPVs.
Rey's title run had EVERYTHING to do with Eddie passing. Sorry, but that's a fact. People on the inside would tell you that --- off the record of course.
If you didn't know the wrestling industry still had a strong racist component to it, then you really aren't paying attention to the product. That's not news. That's just restating the obvious.
No one suggested the last company that someone worked for would be held responsible should they do. That being said - as Darkside stated in his article - if someone dies in any job, and it was due to circumstances that could have been avoiding with proper help and mechanisms in place - then there is a degree of corporate responsibility. That extends far beyond wrestling. That's just morality and ethics.
you are all wrong about everything except rey getting the tittle becuase of eddies death but come on rey played the part held the tittle with respect (this coming from an avid hatter of all thing rey) cena no sell show was suppose to be his no quite marine atttuide its press people remember wrestling is entertianment first and formost come on you should be more piss of at the whole highlander piss on they did or fact they are holding bacl carlito shelton and yes even randy for two 40 year old man acting like the cast of jackass at least when sabin dutt and leathel do it in tna its beliveble i mean come on and sorry kids edge fueding with john cena is getting boring not only becuase of cena but also cuase the rater R superstar goring girls this is not classic this flouke materiel and lets sorry kids the wwE is looking more like wcw every day and why is kevin thorn not fueding with kane that would be intersting more so the a Knock offf somian blanka running around with a arabic cuban come on people and with that being said ITS CRIME TIME
WATCH-WRESTLING SAID: "big daddy, it was you who said eddie was champ only because"
Please find the archived article where I made this statement.
You are completely mis-quoting me.
For the record, I've never disses Hulk Hogan ever. My article here does mention that he sold his injuries. But I don't care what Hogan may have said, Cena is still shit.
And just because some minorities have held championships doesn't mean that the wrestling world is void of racism. Racism exists everywhere and WWE is no exception.
There will always be exceptions eg. Rock, Booker and others mentioned in the posts, but that doesn't make us all equal in society's eyes.
Referring back to my Cryme Tyme article...pushing a negative stereotype about black youth through a wrestling gimmick is not a positive thing. Period.
FYI
Hogan has also said that: The Ultimate Warrior, Lex Luger, The Giant, Scott Steiner and Buff Bagwell were "torch worthy"
Hogan says the right thing at the right time.
There is a scientific term for Cena no-selling...
It's called "Goldberging".
I mean think about the number of times Raven slammed a chair on his head or DDT'd him on said chair and/or table.
Now look at Cena. How many times did he sell the shot from Finlay's shileighle? Not once. Even Batista & Lashley sell better than Cena.
And whoever made the comparison between Cena and the guys in the Marine Corps should know this...Marines aren't allowed to sell an injury. It's not in their contract.
Sorry...
I never chanted against The Rock.
Not at any point...
Even as the Rocky Maivia character ... I interviewed him shortly before his debut and I knew he had all kinds of potential.
Tha O Show wasn't around back then... but I was hosting Live Audio Wrestling and writing columns on Slam! and TSN!
My track record at picking potential has been pretty good.
In a 1998 article I wrote that Edge would be one of the biggest stars in the industry, and headlining pay per views inside of 10 years.
Man whats with the heat between us lately? John Cena is tearing us apart!
watch-wrestling.com extends his hand...the crowd cheers wildly!
Big Daddy Donnie shakes his hand and the two raise their arms in celebration of their new allegiance
Then Dan-e-o sneaks in under the bottom rope and nails 'em both with a steel chair!!!
O!!!!!
::Does best J.R. impression::
DAYUM THAT DAN-E-O! DAYUM HIS BLACK HEART! OH MY GAWWWD, HE'S BEATIN' HIM LIKE A GOV'MENT MULE! ::insert redneck colloquilism:: DAYUM HIM! THATS NOT RIIIIGHT!
Except for one thing --- Big Daddy takes a page out of Cena's book and NO SELLS Dan-e-o's shit.
The near 7 foot monster rises to his feet and grabs the dread locked cruiserweight - tossing him across the ring with a flying powerbomb.
Big Daddy SCREAMS INTO THE CAMERA....
Who the F is next?????
LOL (and I actually hate when people write that).
But I love it guys...we gotta keep this up.
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