I may not have Jeff Brown's flare, I may not have Jeff Brown's hair (by the way, if you didn't know - he has none), but I've certainly done this show before, now why not get right to it, and kick open the door. Here it is..."Tha TNE Throwaway".I could honestly write an entire article on just a few things that happened last night. I will not however, do such. I will write one article for a show that wasn't all that bad. For one, Matt Striker got mic time, and that is never bad. Sure he tried to make him self sound omnipitent, but he still salvaged a good promo out of a not so good opening line.
In honor of Jeff I will refer (not reefer) to Viscera as "The Three Titty Gang". So the TTG wasn't the one in action last night in his feud with Big Boogey, but I don't have a problem with that, because honestly I'd rather see Striker work any day of the week.
Yeah, it was a two minute match, but then again, how many of you can say you do anything longer than two minutes? Certainly not our favorite fatty, Frankie. All jokes aside, it was a nice way for WWE to remind its almost bored to death fans that there is an angle here, and it will continue until eventually these two men compete on a pay-per-view and stink up the joint.Not because their both bad mind you, it's just because they both aren't really good. I personally would suggest that WWECW beef this angle up a little more by adding someone to Boogey's fold, because 2-on-1 only works with John Cena.
Backstage segments are always good...sometimes. Last night's was one of those sometimes. CM Punk proved again that he can convey emotion with a look and few words, and our favorite Hispanic proved that he can talk with the best of 'em, and his accent is ALMOST as good as Santino Marella's.
So Armando Estrada again explained to us that this was CM Punk's last opportunity at the ECW belt, and if things had been different, it would have been until Punk won another #1 Contender's match. Well, the purpose of this vignette was to allow Punk to market "Luck is for Losers" which will be on a t-shirt soon, and I'm guessing Brian Plunkett will own that shirt after a lengthy MARK OUT!
Next up, Balls VS. Miz, or as I like to say 'Mizballs'. Okay, here's why I don't like it. The Miz! That's all, it's really the only reason. I like Mahoney(you thought I'd say Balls didn't you?) I like Kelly, I like Brooke, I LOVE LAYLA, but I just don't like Miz.A lot of people have said that if used properly, Mike Mizanin can be a champion one day, and I agree. The champion of shithead reality retards everywhere. If you remove an L from Balls, and invert it, you have Miz. Not M-I-Z, but slab, which The Miz is: a useless slab of precious matter. The ozone layer is depleting people, and this bitch is the reason. Okay, so this one lasted three minutes, to keep this feud going. I'm all for continuing feuds, just not when Miz is involved...NEXT!
The following match was SO out of place and unexpected, I'll only say this. I retract prior disses of Elijah Burke, but I now will complain that he has no place. It's not him, it's the fucktard writing staff at WWE. Somebody tell Brian Gerwitz to put down Vince's bags, grow some balls, write some interesting television. Then he can continue to be 'little boy blows', and pick Vince's bags back up. When you have Mike Mizanin in a major storyline, but you have nothing for Elijah Burke, something is really, really, really wrong.
It was however a typical two unrelated babyfaces taking on two unrelated heels. No wait, it was the ECW Originals VS. The New Breed, but you know what? I doubt we'll encounter it again, and the only reason I feel that way is, because that storyline didn't really stop being intriguing. It would make sense to bring it back since a member of neither group brought both factions to an end. Speaking of that member, let's get to the payoff of last night's show shall we?The Main Event, the one we've been waiting for: CM Punk VS. John Morrison for the ECW World Heavyweight Championship. Never before seen, three PPV's in the making, the first time these two men will touch. No wait, that's not it, I'm just confused that even with the suspensions, this happens on free TV! I'm convinced that the office is still trying to hold Punk down, because other than injury ridden "SmackDown!", when has a World Championship changed hands on TV? You mean to tell me that John Morrison couldn't have been attacked backstage and injured, and the title stripped to be decided between Punk and a challenger at Unforgiven? Hey, how about Burke? He aint doing nothing!
No, that would mean Punk would go over on PPV, and that he could in some way significantly impact the buy-rate which will never happen. Maybe I'm being nit-picky, and I'm sure I am, but you know what, fuck it, it's my article and that's how I feel. The reason for the attack would have been to turn Punk heel. Sure Morrison's a heel, but the attack makes people feel sorry...who am I kidding, it's WWE where no logic applies, EVER. Either way, I can take some sort of satisfaction that CM Punk is the World Champion on Tuesday Nights, if only because now, a true hard worker with ability is a champion.
You have John Cena, CM Punk and The Great Khali as World Champions. Which one doesn't belong? CM Punk...but if you look at it from a wrestling standpoint, instead of a, "DAH!" I don't speak english and have no ability, or a I'm a hard worker, but still have no ability standpoint, it becomes which oneS don't belong. I'm sick of "John Cena is a hard worker", I'm sick of "Khali is a freak show", therefore should be a champion. How about this? CM Punk has busted his ass, all over the fucking globe, not UPW, OVW and WWE as Cena has, and not The Longest Yard, and some Punjabi prison as Khali has. Punk has wrestled for almost ten years, and it finally has paid off.
Is that bad? Sure Punk has his detractors, but who the hell doesn't? Punk is a WRESTLER, not a merch pusher, and not a freak show (though some may disagree). So as a mark, and as a smark, I am happy for the first time since The Undertaker beat Batista that a championship has changed hands. I'm happy that a face beat a heel, and I'm happy that a pretty boy dropped the title to a worker. I hate that it happened because of the "whose on the gas" scandal, but I won't let that bother me for now, until the E finds a way to take it off him.But for now I will take satisfaction in saying, "up yours WWE, up yours Triple H, and up yours U.S. Congress." Wait, the last one doesn't fit, ah hell who am I kidding? Even though they're trying to ruin wrestling, one good thing came from this. CM Punk is the ECW Champion...probably won't last long, but I say we enjoy a good worker as champion for as long as we can, and we enjoy the fact that it is CM Punk. Because 'Luck is for Losers', and he's Straight Edge...and that means he's better than you.
Quick results in case you missed it...
The Boogeyman def. Matt Striker w/BDV by DQ
The Miz def. Balls Mahoney
The New Breed def. The ECW Originals
C.M. Punk def. John Morrison to become the NEW ECW Champion
8 comments: on "TNE Throwaway: Straight-Edge Satisfaction"
Thanks DJB for filling in while we search for an ECW Writer. After the article was published this week where we announced we were looking for a new writer, many submissions came forward. We'll post some of them here and let you the O-sters have your say.
Written by: Dave Pirtle
I think it’s been said here before that one thing that the ECW writers have been good about is building and maintaining feuds. Well, its worth saying again, because that is what this episode was all about, for better or for worse. It’s too bad that most fans don’t really care about half of the feuds on display here, with a possible exception for Ball Mahoney finally getting somewhat of a push. With that being said, let’s take a look back at the action.
The feud between The Boogeyman and Big Daddy V took a natural step as Boogey faced Matt Striker, flashing back to the rivalry that started this thing in the first place. The match only lasted a few minutes, as interference from V brought on the DQ, which he followed up quickly with a huge Samoan drop at ringside, leaving Boogey laid out but still foaming at the mouth.
Out comes The Miz in his stupid hat flanked by the hotties in Extreme Expose for another match against Balls Mahoney. I can’t be the only one who gets the feeling that he’s only over because of these three. He should really be paired with a seasoned vet that can help him with his moveset and ring psychology. Even against the brutish Mahoney, he just seems outclassed in the ring, despite picking up the victory again on this night. At least the feud shifted into third gear as Kelly Kelly was finally called (more or less) on her sympathy towards Balls after the match. I’d expect her to break off in the next week or two and align with him full time, which should see Balls finally gain an edge and bring some excitement to this feud.
As they announced the previous match, I couldn’t help but think of the “Smackdown Vs. Raw 2006” GM Mode, where the key to a successful show seemed to be all about milking feuds as long as the crowds could stand. When every show features every feud, though, it can get old quickly. They need to find a way to keep some of these feuds going without a match to give some air time to the rest of the roster, although I’m not sure how much the world wants to see Nunzio vs. Mike Knox.
Speaking of which, Elijah Burke and Kevin Thorn took on Stevie Richards and Tommy Dreamer. At first this looked like a continuation/escalation of the Richards/Thorn feud, but the two didn’t have much significant interaction here, and Burke took the match for his team by pinning Richards. Could we be seeing a revival of sorts of the “new breed vs. originals,” or was this simply a one-off to keep all four men on TV while confusing people long enough to forget about Richards/Thorn? My guess is the latter, but I hope I’m wrong.
Early on, Armando Estrada approached C.M. Punk about his upcoming title match, and made it official that this would be his last shot at the championship. Later, Morrison cuts another promo that’s as dry as day old bread and almost as white. Who the hell makes Blink 182 references in 2007? Besides, the announcement of CM Punk’s title win on WWE.com over the weekend pretty much rendered it all meaningless. Although actually watching the match was a bit anti-climactic, it may have been their best match yet, and I’m almost ashamed to say I thought that Punk may lose on at least one occasion. I had said before that if he didn’t capture the title at SummerSlam, we might as well forget about him ever winning it. But circumstance and a bit of rarely-seen common sense brought the title to the guy you really want at the forefront of your organization during a drug scandal. For now, though, I’m looking at his title reign with cautious optimism, as the next couple of weeks should give us a clearer picture of whether or not he’ll be a long-timer or just a transitional champion as WWE trots out their next golden boy for the spot.
Written by: Leo Rivera
Tonight’s show was already spoiled on wwe.com and focused on CM Punk winning the title.
Show starts off with The Boogey Man finally taking on Matt Striker. I will give Matt Striker this much da guys got some mic skills, he’s what Dean Douglas should have been….he draws heat and does so despite the fact that he’s got King Mabel….err….Viscera….I mean Big Daddy V as he’s protégé. And what in the world is da deal with Boogey Man’s never ending stream of mucus/foam…that’s just nasty man. Match ends by dq after a predictable interference by Fat Daddy V.
Nice backstage segment between CM Punk and Armando Alejandrooo Estrada!!..that senor Punk line was priceless. Estrada kind of gave away the ending to the live crowd by telling Punk it was his last chance. Wrestling booking 101 says: “if it is a wrestlers’ last chance to win a title match, 9 times out of 10 that wrestler wins that title match.” I loved Punks confidence when he told Estrada luck is for losers and then smirked….great line! Here is hoping that Punk gets more mic time as champ because he’s da shit!
Balls Mahoney on Who Wants To Be a Super Hero?....ha-ha, what’s he going to do teach them how to job? And speaking of jobbing ole Balls did the J-O-B for the M-I-Z….whatever…then Kelly Kelly shows concern for the ex-chair swinging freak….sigh.
Jeez John Morrison was sooo gay in his pre-match promo, with that fruity music in the background. And what did he call himself…an Avatar…who does he think he is Al Snow….Tuesday night delight….uber-gay man!!
Elijah Burke & Kevin Thorn took on Tommy Dreamer and Stevie Richards. I actually popped big time when I saw the Innovator of Violence and Big Stevie Cool as a tag team. There are actually still enough ECW originals to make an actual tag team, ha-ha. Anyway nice but short match I’d like to see more of these two teams feuding together for a while, Burke gets da duke with the Elijah Express on Stevie that move is badass.
And finally, finally CM Punk gets the ECW title man I’ll tell you what he earned that bad-boy he has been the most consist worker on any roster and has managed to stay drug-free just like his gimmick…And what a match huh!!! Five freaking stars both guys bought there A-game tonight…John probably bought it because he knew he had to put on a good show after being the wrestler caught with the most drugs (five) on that infamous Sports Illustrated list, and Punk bought his A-game to prove his detractor’s wrong (vince McMahon) that he can indeed be a true champion. And you know what the proof is in the pudding….did you see that crowd pop?!?! That was huge that had to be one of the most genuine crowd pops for a title change in a very long time….that crowd was into it from start to finish and were really feeling Punk!
-Let the CM Punk Era of drug-free extreme begin!
The best article here was D.J.B's. Even though he's not in the running (I think) his article had the most flow and point to it, not just a mindless recap. Take some notes kids. Adopt more of a style.
Why thank you Skitlez. I do appreciate kindly, check's in the mail dude.
Seriously though, I was half brain dead when I wrote this article, coming off a 12hr shift in hell, but for some reason I forgot to mention the crowd reaction.
Not only was it the hottest most-likely ever, I think that crowd reaction rivaled the return of Triple H, and Taker pinning Batista at MANIA. Somebody tell me exactly why the E refuses to see this.
It's because CM Punk is small. That is why the E hates him. He's small, but he can work circles around half of the roster. It's amazing that out of the four encounters between Punk and Morrison, that the one shown on free TV was the best out of all of them.
Fuck yeah, I'm gonna mark out for a "Luck Is For Losers" shirt. Last night, when he said that to Estrada, I marked out like Donnie does when he looks into his mirror.
I agree D, yours was much better. Not trying to be funny just for funny's sake. It is fucked up though that the best match was on on a channel I don't have. But I'm glad they finally got one right, cause after three fucked up ppv matches I was getting tired of seeing em together in the ring.
Thanks for the pository feedback dudes. I guess that better shows produce better articles.
I agree with you BP, Punk's size has alot to do with his heat, but you know what, it's because beefed up tall mother fuckers have only a few choices in life. Here's a quote from a loathed superstar, somebody name that superstar. He was mocking a famous fighting big man: God make me big, forget to give me brain.
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