I remember several years back watching an episode of "Raw" where Shawn Michaels confronted Eric Bischoff in the ring. It was during the time of the Katie Vick angle that Triple H had going on with Kane. Eric mockingly asked Shawn if the Vick story was insulting to him as a Christian. To which HBK responded, "no, it's insulting to me as a wrestling fan".Such a response mirrors the reaction that I have had to viewing "Raw" over the past several weeks. Does any wrestling fan out there give a half of a shit who Vince McMahon's illegitimate son is? Worse than the absurdity of this angle is the fact that this really doesn't help to elevate anyone on the roster.
Even the person revealed as his son will be forced to live the rest of his career in this undeniably bogus gimmick.
Worse still is how lame the acting and the writing is in all of this. Could they have come up with a dumber cliffhanger last night? Some jabroni comes out on the ramp to inform Vince that the woman claiming to have given birth to his bastard son has this to say: "Things are looking up". Huh? Things are looking pretty fuckin' stupid, if you ask me.
Let's move on to some actual wrestling, shall we? You know, when you skip past this Vince's bastard son fiasco of a storyline, "Raw" has been a pretty decent wrestling product recently.
Last night's Charlie Haas/Shelton Benjamin VS. Paul London/Brian Kendrick match for the #1 Contender's spot to the World Tag Team Championship was fantastic! A lot of quick tags, good psychology (the working of Haas' arm), fast-paced action and great technical work by all parties.This match was a small of example of what these four competitors can do if the company simply let them go. I especially liked the many attempts of Paul London trying to make the hot tag only to be thwarted by a last-second leg-grab from either Haas or Benjamin. I would have been happy with either team winning.
I'm glad, however, that London and Kendrick went over as they will get a shot at the straps at Unforgiven, hopefully placing them into a similar spotlight that they enjoyed on "SmackDown!". Not to say that they should automatically win the titles...but having these guys kept in the mix on a weekly basis would be a treat to viewers who tune in for the in-ring action.
Jeff Hardy VS. Umaga was a stellar event as well. I'm surprised by the finish...not because it saw Hardy going over, but because of his clean pin over Umaga. With all of the talk of people being in the bad books of the E, the Hardys certainly seem to be keeping their noses clean.
Which is a weird thing to say considering Jeff just came off suspension. These brothers don't go for a long time without holding a title. Matt's got one of the tag straps again over on "SmackDown!" and will have the U.S. title in due time. And now Jeff is back as IC champ. Good for Jeff...but is it good for the title?Jeff Hardy as Intercontinental Champion seems to be so been-there-done-that to me. Is Umaga a victim of the disciplinary actions handed out by violating WWE's Wellness Policy? Could the chubby monster actually be on drugs too?
Speaking of being on drugs...you know Triple H is on some. And I'm not talking steroids. I'm talking "retard pills" or "ego boosters" (as if he'd need those) or something along those lines. I'm sorry, but as I've said on Tha O Show's radio program, I'm done with Triple H.
Backstage politics aside, dude is tired. I don't buy him as a babyface at all. And apparently neither does he. What was the deal with him completely destroying Umaga with the sledgehammer last night? Isn't that some serious heel shit to do? I actually felt sorry for the Samoan as Hunter was busting him up. Can't Triple H do a job or at the very least sell a beatdown when fighting against two guys?
What was the purpose in booking him in a handicap match with Umaga and Carlito last night? If not to simply boost his real life king-of-kings prowess in the company, then I have no idea.Allow me to digress. Mad superstars got shitty hair. In wrestling, either really long hair, or very short to no hair is the thing. Having something caught in between is simply gay. Hardy's new neck-length hairdo = gay. The "rainbow haired warrior" gimmick = gay. Carlito's "halfro" = gay. Carly looked like he lost a bet. If you're going with the crazy, wild, unkept look fine. But why get a haircut...and then not comb your shit??
Back to wrestling. I love the way WWE is using Beth Phoenix. It's refreshing to see a fairly new female face - a not bad looking one too - NOT being used as two bit whore on TV. Beth's dominant "Glamazon/Uber Diva" gimmick works. She appears to be a legitimate threat to the title...and one that helps to bring some credibility to women's wrestling.
Santino Marella continues to be my favourite "Raw" superstar on the mic (besides the absent King Booker, of course). "Shuttupayaface!" is bound to be on a t-shirt one of these days. I also love that he continues to speak over his interruptions. Just as he did last night when The Sandman inexplicably stormed the ring during his promo. "What is he doing here? I don't even know this guy". Funny stuff, totally in keeping with his character. I hope this dude goes far.I digress once more. Why the hell can't William Regal pronounce Umaga's name? Is it part of his gimmick to continually refer to him as "Yumanga"?
For two workers that I really don't care for, I'm impressed by the way the E is building the feud between Randy Orton and John Cena. Not that I think a title change is on the horizon. And not that I'm looking forward to another Cena/Orton pay-per-view main event. But Orton bussing up Cena's dad and Cena not saying anything (YES!) but just going balistic tells a great and sensible story. One worthy of a heated battle.
31 comments: on "Tha Raw Report: Things Are Looking Stupid"
Man, was i the only one who died laughing when Daivari sang that Grease song with Jillian in arabic while she sang it in english. That shit had me rollin. He may be jobber but damn that man is solid on the mic. One of my favs now next to Santino.
Solamente un homosexual criticarÃa el corte de pelo de otro hombre.
Wow, I certainly disagree. Straight guys criticize other guys haircuts all the time. What's up with that?
Anyway, Raw last night wasn't terrible, but it did, as WWE always does, leave a little to be desired.
If Cena loses his championship to Orton at Unforgiven it will fall one day short of a full calendar year. If he wins that match and does not lose on Raw the following night, I will vomit. I know that the E hasn't had a full calendar year champion since Hogan held it for four. I dont think anyone else has held it for 365 days uninterupted since then. I could be wrong but I dont think so, unless Yokozuna did it. But you know what pisses me off about this? It's two things. #1 it's Cena, and #2 if the reign continues Triple H will be the man to end it so in the end he looks all the better.
Things are looking up? Will this be a debut for a superstar? I can't think of a soul on Raw that that tag-line would apply to. They could debut The Mighty Bigs or some shit like that, but who knows.
Umaga, Charlie Haas, William Regal, and Kennedy are all likely suspended. Kennedy may not be, but I'm almost sure the others are.
Jeff Hardy as IC champ IS been there done that, but what else are you going to do? Give him the mid-card ball or have him job out to Cena?
John Cena is fucking up a shit load of shit.
John Cena created cancer, was the mastermind behind the 9/11 terrorist attacks, wrote every song Lionel Richie ever released, gave your girlfriend a UTI, coined the phrase "but I digress", and shot Dimebag Darrell Abbott.
AND HE IS VINCE MCMAHON'S ILLIGITMATE SON
i will piss on the fuckers grave that shot Dimebag one day.
Damn Jeff, I hate Cena, but maybe not as much as you. Dimebag isn't dead man, he, Elvis and Tupac are sharing a house in Jamaica, unless when my cousin was down there he was just totally baked and thought he saw all three of them.
As far as John Cena, I'm glad there were no words this week, but next week, I must say, "Shuttupayaface son of a gun."
I didn't mention it earlier, but YES Daivari singing that shit with Jillian was priceless. Also, props to Cody Rhodes for not springing some mad wood carrying Mickie around the ring.
Totally my bad for not mentioning Daivari. I loved his duet with Jillian. Jokes indeed.
Had she legit just had her wisdoms pulled? I knew she sounded funny, and the gauze was fake, but her jaw was on swole just like my friends when he had his pulled.
If so mad props to her for even working and talking, because he whispered for about 3 days and only consumed mad amounts of ice cream.
Anyone have any ideas about who the son is?
It wouldn't surprise me if his son is God. I mean he was HBK's tag partner so apparently God is on the wwe roster, and you can look up to find him.
It's Cena! John Cena McMahon
I agree Triple H looks like a heel, works like a heel and acts like a heel yet he's a face. This guy should be a heel and nothing else ever.
I really wish Daivari would pick up a win here and there. This guy has got "It" but Cody Rhodes goes over on him every time and neither of them get anything out of it. At least Cody dressed in black this week and not like a soft drink ad like he usually does.
Cena and Orton is like passing by a really bloody car wreck. I hate what I'm seeing yet I can't look away. I think part of why I'm intrested is because of the way this feud has been building. WWE is actually doing something right here. Unfortually Cena keeps his belt at Unforgiven and beyond. Right now the way things are going he's a safe bet. Orton woun't get a sniff of gold because he's on the "list" suspended or not he's a risk.
They should of had someone else break the bad news to Vince at the end instead of this no name guy. What was Daniel Beck to busy. If I had to pick someone I'd say Coach is the bastard. This way no active wrestler has to bear the burdon of this stupid gimmick. The Coach has been dealing with Vince's shit for sometime and it can serve as a back story in the angle. Vince could be forced to resign as C.E.O. and Coachman could take his place.
If it turns out to be cena I swear I will never watch another wwe program ever.
How the fuck can it be Cena? He's in an angle where Orton kicked his DAD. Duh. Not Cena.
Could be but in the E Cena's dad could turn out to be really his mom who had a sex change after an affair with Vince. So Cena only thinks his dad is his dad but it's really his mom. You have to think the morons at E.
Caveman I'm not sure if the fed is looking for writers but, if they are you should deffinetely apply.
lol you think
yeah Skitlez, when has WWE ever used logic or continuity? I'm almost positive it's Cena... if not then it'll be indy fav Delirious... Johnny Ace has been eying the guy lately and when in doubt bet on the comedy gimmick
It was obviously not Kennedy when they started to hint towards it so blatently
I'm glad I missed Raw this week, and ECW tonight, and probably won't actually watch any wwe product til things start to suck less...
This is how it is going to go down. Cena is Vince's son. Cena's dad is really his mom who had a sex change after he was born. It will come about that not only did Vince have a illegitimate child but so did Linda who had an affair to get back at Vince. She also gave birth to a son who will end up as Randy Orton then the Cena/Orton matches will be sibling rivalries. The Cowboy will come and flaunt his affair with Vinnie's wife, and then we will end up with a father/son tag match. Yep thats how it will go down.
not bad, not bad at all
caveman & jeff brown are the only o show fans. do you marks have a life or do you jerk off to the o show evry day?
It can't be Delirious because they said weeks ago that it was a member of the current WWE roster.
Things are looking up?
Well, here's how...
Eugene, who was then a current member of the roster is found out to be Vince's son. Since he no longer has a job there, it really doesn't matter that he is Vince's son, and the whole stupid angle is dropped.
Wow, things really are looking up!
It's Hornswaggle. Yep, thats the ticket. Vince has Irish blood, and they may as well go the comedy route now anyway like someone else said. Besides, for all of his overness, Hornswaggle is disposable, and when he leaves nobody will care and the whole bastard son thing will be forgoten.
If it is Cena then they need an even more creative story than Caveman had to convince me. It can't be. It'd defy all logic, even WWE logic.
Lol 2 points for metal god for using "Yep, that's the ticket."
Here's the thing. No matter what angle, or what superstar the WWE decides to use, it wont get over like originally hoped.
If it flops, a "so-and-so forged the DNA results to get the money" shtick wouldn't even save it. This program is ruined, not just the storyline, Raw in general.
How is it that a company that brought forth the "Attitude Era" has now brought forth the could care less attitude. As I said in my ECW article, Brian Gerwitz needs to quit carrying Vince's bags, and please, please Brian, I'm begging you, WRITE GOOD TV!
A new answer...
Kenny Dykstra.
His gimmicked last name sucks, and he sorta looks like he could be Vince's kid. They could say things are looking up refers to the name of his leg drop or something. I dunno, I am grasping at straws.
He seems like the only worker I could think of that might be able to benefit.
I think it's Mike Awesome... "but wait he's dead," you say
pppfffffftttt like hell he is
not to the wwe
You see, Mike had found out about being Vince's wayward semen and decided to fake his own death so that daddy wouldn't be a future burden on him. That is till someone, Ida Mae Awesome decided to break the news to Vinnie and try to get the bundle of one's she worked so hard for. This brought great anger to the Awesome one, now living in Phoenix under the disguise of mild mannered court reporter, Lex Lugar. So he returns, beats Vinnie Mac down, gets his mom's precious singles, then jobs to Triple H in a "Hell On The Nerves" match at a house show in Tarboro, NC (that's for DJB)
Or it might just be Shane
who knows?
It's Ralphus. everybody forgot about Ralphus back in the 90's after his thing with Jericho. Well Ralphus was secretly signed to a million dollar contract by Vince to be a backstage dance choreographer. Then early in this decade he put on a mask and wrestled as El Chupa Pito in the OVW. They soon brought him back up to become a dark match champion. He is undefeated in dark matches and holds the E's World Heavyweight Dark Match Championship. He's held it for 5 years and also hold the record for most count out victories due to his flatulence problem which makes opponents run from the ring in terror, as well as the front row fans. He will be Vince's long lost son. Who will challenge Vince to a winner runs the company match. He will then beat Vince with his most powerful and deadly move " The Flatulence of DOOM" and Linda will divorce Vince and hook up with Ralphus. Thus making Ralphus the most powerful man in wrestling. Trips will be whacked by the powerful Ralphus and he will also marry his half-sister and become Mormon and Red Neck.
My money is on Snitsky being Vince's kid...
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