Tha Raw Report - Back Draft!!

Holy shit! Did I just see that?! In an article that I expected to write with the WWE Draft as its focal point, it must begin with a big "What the fuck?!!!".

In, perhaps, an attempt to poke fun at the lack luster series finale of "The Sopranos", "Raw" ended last night with Vince McMahon entering a limosine that then exploded!! Huge O to the directors and cameramen who, somehow, were able to flawlessly shoot the incident without a cut away or edit. It literally looked like Mr. McMahon was killed last night!!

I'm not sure how to detour into the actual event that was last night's "Raw" with an ending like that...but I'll try.

Wow! Needless to say, "Raw" provided wrestling fans with something pretty different last night. While previous broadcasts of all three brands never hinted as to how the draft this year would actually work, last night's event showcased an intriguing approach to switching around their superstars.

Having matches determine which brand would "win" a draft pick was an interesting idea. The problems with this concept, however, was the fact that SOME matches made obvious which brand would be winning a pick. See Umaga (representing "Raw") VS. Balls Mahoney (ECW) as an example.

In addition, the E dropped the ball on trying to convey that the draft choices were actually random. Now, as usual, we all know the entire event is a work, but was the weirdo computer guitar music and ridiculous rapid fire images of superstars a necessary frill? All this only to end with a graphic that displayed the picture and name of a superstar to be drafted. Seconds later, the superstar appears on the ramp. Yeah, really random. I would have much preferred the old ball in a drum gimmick.

"Raw" clearly needed three hours to convey its messages last night. One message was that Mr. McMahon has created quite a legacy for himself. Whether one loves or hates him (as Dusty Rhodes most eloquently put it), you gotta respect the man. The other message was that the face of WWE was about to drastically change.

The delivery of message one was set up pretty nicely as Vince himself - easily one of the best actors in WWE history - read, every so eerily, a statement off the top of the broadcast. Very interestingly, a host of Hall of Famers, WWE Legends and other celebrities joined the broadcast to, if nothing else, prove Vince's popularity prowess and connections. Jesse Ventura, Bobby Heenan, Mick Foley, Donald Trump, Steve-O and even Big Snoop Dogg (gotta love that dude!) shared their thoughts about Vinnie Mac.

Easily the most impressive - and simultaneously anti-climatic - entry was from Bret "The Hitman" Hart. The same guy who swore off WWE television, so much so that he refused to be publicly acknowledged at the WrestleMania after he entered the Hall of Fame, was on "Raw" last night. Not a pay-per-view...a "Raw"!

Now granted, last night's "Raw" was a big event, but Bret's appearance needed more hype. Then again, after his pretty much expected anti-Vince rant with zero follow-up or reaction from the commentators, you had to think that perhaps all is still not well between Hart and McMahon. Either way, I still popped seeing Bret on a WWE show.

Some awards: The most articulate comments about Vince - Mick Foley. The most "worked shoot"-like promo - Jesse Ventura. The most realistic/honest - Dusty Rhodes. The most entertaining - Stone Cold Steve Austin (cuss words and all!).

But finally, on to the second message and point of the evening - what we all REALLY watched "Raw" for - the draft.

Who would have guessed a champion VS. champion contest in Edge/Cena would begin "Raw"? I actually liked this idea as it gave the entire broadcast that BIG feel. Too bad the finish to the match was a BIG disappointment. A countout?

1) It almost made me think that the whole referee-decides-the-finish-because-he-wasn't-aware-of-what-it-was scenario was in effect. And that would be weird considering that a definite outcome was necessary for the purpose of a specific brand getting a draft choice.

2) It pissed me off because it reeked of the whole idea of not "weakening" John Cena. Apparently, Cena simply can't do the job. No clean pin. No DIRTY pin. A countout. That's the only way Cena can lose, I guess. Although The Great Khali crushed him on "Saturday Night's Main Event" a couple weeks ago.

Speaking of Khali (always fun to set up your own segueway), as a result of Edge's "win", he becomes the first guy to get drafted to "SmackDown!". And yes, we're all thinking the same thing. Khali must hold the record for jumping brands more times in the shortest span than any other superstar ever! He's been in the company, what...about a year? And has gone from SD! to ECW to "Raw" and now back to SD!. And for what?

Nest was Carlito VS. CM Punk. I enjoyed the fact that last night's "Raw" was pretty much a week off from major storyline telling. Viewing the potential chemistry between two opponents not used to competing with each other was certainly worth watching. And both Carlito and Punk are capable of putting on great matches...if given the platform to do so. At least Carlito didn't go for the bullshit finish of the previous match and decided a countout wouldn't represent the end to the match.

Of course, less because of his initiative and more because this is what he was supposed to do...he drags Punk back into the ring after some great offence only to succumb to the GTS. Punk wins...and The Boogeyman is drafted to ECW.

At this point, I'm not sure how Boogey fits in the world of the "extreme" other than to say that his character will breathe new life into the entertainment factor of that show. That could either be a bad or good thing depending how you look at it. My jury is still out.

As mentioned earlier, Umaga took on Balls Mahoney. The finish was obvious. What REALLY mattered, however, was that, as a result, King Boooker has now re-joined "Raw". Although this was not confirmed until later in the show, this draft selection included Queen Sharmell. Forgetting previous draft "rules" (wouldn't Sharmell have to be drafted individually?), the E has decided to appropriately keep the royal couple together.

Two things. One, it was GREAT to see King Booker back on TV. But does this mean that he is over his injury? If not, why have him come out last night? Two, it was even GREATER to see the sex goddess that is Queen Sharmell. How could any straight man not love that woman's body? Baby's got hips for days...a true hourglass figure. Booker, you lucky dog! All hail the queen!

I would like to sub-title the next section of this article.

I HATE BOBBY LASHLEY

Reason A) (I've been using numbers to explain various points all article, I thought it was time to mix things up). Bobby Lashley is still unjustly used as an unstoppable hero. And it sucks. The charisma-less and mediocre wrestler that is Lashley wins cleanly over my favourite, Chris Benoit. You could even hear boos from the crowd when Lashley didn't tap to the Crippler Crossface. You've heard me say this before - Benoit must hold some sort of record for putting over the most competitors CLEANLY.

What is it about Benoit that makes the E feel like it seems fit for him to lose matches cleanly so often? The guy is the TRUE wrestling God in the company. (Sorry JBL - if it's any consolation, I popped when you said "Snoop Dizzle" last night).

But then I think...wait...this could be cool! Benoit's loss actually results in him going to ECW! And the first thing he does is point to Lashley's belt and to the classic this-is-where-the-belt-goes waist gesture. Benoit, the next ECW Champion - I love it! Will Chris get his deserved revenge?

But oh no, folks. This is not to be. Because later in the show Lashley is drafted to "Raw". This brings me to...

Reason B) The all-time WORST reaction to bad news award goes to Lashley after being told that his switch to "Raw" will force him to relinquish the ECW Championship. Is it so impossible for this guy to actually come up with a facial expression?!?! God, he's hard to watch!

And I know what you're all thinking...Lashley's "switch" doesn't mean a damn thing considering that he appears and wrestles on "Raw" all the time! I honestly think he did so more than he did on ECW broadcasts. So all this draft decision did was strip Lashley of his title. In John Cena-like fashion, Lashley cannot be beaten cleanly - so says WWE creative. Screw you guys.

Now back to our regularly scheduled article...

The Fabulous Moolah/Mae Young skit needs not to be mentioned. So please disregard that last sentence.

Another champion VS. champion match occurs in the form of U.S. champ MVP against Intercontinental champ Santino Marella. A decent match with an MVP win says what I've been saying for weeks. The storyline with Marella as IC champ is destroying this historic belt. With the title around Marella's waist, the championship seems more and more of a...waste.

Speaking of which (another nice segue...yeah!), a waste of a draft pick is next as Torrie Wilson goes to "SmackDown!". And the world collectively says, "big deal". I wonder if JBL was ribbing the company by over-selling his excitement about Torrie joining the SD! roster. Sounded like it to me.

Snitsky VS. The Miz sounds like another squash right? Of course. But Snitsky's overzealousness causes the ref to reverse the original decision. The result, "SmackDown!" gets another pick: Chris Masters. Before we all say "big deal" again, let's remember that Masters has been buried on "Raw" and is one of the superstars most in need of a brand change.

Perhaps this move will jumpstart the kid's career again. Uh...once again, I speak too soon.

"Here's an idea", says someone on the creative team (I'm paraphrasing), "let's put Masters into a match immediately to represent his new life on 'SmackDown!'".

"Sounds great, who's he going to go over on?", asks another member of the team.

"Oh no one. We'll just bury him in the battle royal later on in the night", the first guy responds.

"How does this help Chris Masters?", asks the other.

"Who?"

I was intrigued by the triple threat match starring Jeff Hardy, Elijah Burke and Batista. I can't remember these three guys ever working each other - certainly not in this type of match. But, as usual, I get intrigued too soon. Batista wins. Thanks guys.

Burke, the future star, is destroyed. Man, this guy better get his shine one day. In the meantime, Batista (who actually has one more facial expression than Bobby Lashley - a smile) allows for "SmackDown!" to draft Ric Flair. While Tim Haught's idea of The Four Horseman being reformed with Chris Benoit as a member doesn't seem likely at all, his idea of a future title run for Flair may not be that far off. A Flair/Edge feud sounds like fun to me.

The only thing that ruined this revelation to me was JBL yelling, "hot diggity damn dog" in excitement.

The aforementioned battle royal featuring fifteen superstars (five from each of the three brands) is the last match of the night. At first it was strange to see members of The New Breed and The ECW Originals on the same "team" but the every man for himself concept was quickly showcased in this match. The commentators did a good job of admonishing competitors who fought dudes on their own brand as the winner would secure two draft picks for his show.

Matt Hardy - the main event STILL waiting to happen - looked like he may have been going over...especially with his Benoit to Big Show-like removal of Mark Henry from the ring. But alas, Randy Orton wins...and Snitsky and Mr. Kennedy move to "Raw".

So wait...no Kennedy/Edge feud for the World Heavyweight Championship? What the hell?

And is he back yet? Again, like in the case with King Booker, if he's back on TV, you're telling the audience he should be back in the ring. If not, then why is the guy in the building? And again...why draft this guy? His revenge angle with Edge would have been gold.

Speaking of gold (man, I'm a segueway freak!), John Cena's WWE Championship will be on the line at Vengeance against four other men: King Booker, Randy Orton, Bobby Lashley and check this out...Mick Foley!

Do I think Cena will lose his title? No. Is this an intriguing concept? Yes. You know I'll be looking for O's. But none bigger, I'm guessing, than the O that ended last night's "Raw".

I had to rewind it several times just to make sure I was actually seeing what I was seeing. Is Vince McMahon (storyline-wise) DEAD?!?! Why would they push an angle as extreme as this? The WWE website is certainly trying to put it over. And what was with the lack of commentary for this segment?

Love it or hate it, last night's "Raw" was truly representative of Vince McMahon himself. You had to respect it. The E has certainly shaken things up.

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