Friday Night Fallout - Rated R Running Rampant

What a way to start a show! Edge - that one word says it all. Where is Vince McMahon’s Oscar? The man clearly friggin' needs one. By the way, is Vince taking on my O Show famous country accent? Is he embracing his Carolinian heritage? I love “Do or DIIIE.” Vince McMahon apparently watched some Deion Sanders tapes this week with the high-step out of the arena.

On to it, so Little Boogey/Big Boogey VS. The King of the Jungle... who really cares? Vickie Guerrero, is she taking over full time? Is Teddy going to "Raw"? Will Michelle McCool continue to be the best thing walking God’s green earth? Would Edge VS. Benoit have sold out the Garden back in the day? Those questions answered and much more on the debut edition of D.J.B’s "Friday Night Fallout".

Edge is the most deserving human being on the planet to be in the spot that he is in right now. He needs a show built around him. He needs personalized ring canvas and ramp carpet. He needs a cheering squad. Bring back Will Ferrell and Molly Shannon in the Spartan gimmick from "Saturday Night Live" to do the man some justice. I usually don’t mark this big for one superstar, but Adam Copeland is a thoroughbred.

He is in the top five of all the categories he needs to be in. Talker, number 1 or 2, worker number 3 or 4, move-putter-over-guy, number 2. By the way folks, my boy Dan-e-o has done it. He has reinvented the carnie lingo. "Move-putter-over-guy". "Selling" is indeed too old school. Why though are we forced to see Edge VS. Batista one more time? While I’m impressed with what Batista has done with Edge, I don’t feel that we need to see this match again.

"Silverback", is he serious with that? While Mark Henry did indeed earn the title “Worlds Strongest Man”, does he really need to still use it? We know he’s a friggin' freak! We know we wouldn’t want to get into a tussle with the big ball of fat and muscle. I just think they are trying to do too much with the character to get it over, it's like a road in Arizona...flat.

What's with him squashing the guy who used to squash opponents on a weekly basis? I just wasn’t down with that. With the World's Strongest Slam, and the Fat Boy Free Fall on Little Boogey, you have got to wonder if they are going to do away with Little Boogeyman due to the draft.

By the way, the money shot was the black lady in the glasses with a look of disbelief for Little Boogey. If anybody saw that, they know what I mean...she sold that move hard! If Little Boogeyman isn’t written off, he may bring in like a million midgets and take down the Silverback. You know the Notorious one would mark for that! Forget what I said last week, this match ended the streak "SmackDown!" had of stellar openers. I’m becoming more and more convinced that at least one person in the E is reading Tha O Show.

MVP VS. Batista - now that’s an interesting match isn’t it? Imagine the possibilities. If MVP can carry Batista to a good match, he will deserve to be drafted to "Raw" and to BEAT JOHN CENA. If MVP carried around that God forsaken WWE Championship belt that Cena does, it might not be so bad. It would actually match MVP’s character. Like it did Cena’s for about six months ago.

By the way, does anybody forsee a Mark Henry and Bobby Lashley feud coming up? It was teased in the new WWE mag this month, but you never really know. Snitsky and the push he had both seem to have died. I don’t know though, maybe it’s just that amazing 'dubba duh bee' logic.

What a six-man match! It was a dream match with dream teams. The Jung Dragons are somewhat back together. Jamie-san and Jimmy Yang, Paul London, Spanky, Chavo, and even Devasta-Shawn Davari (if anybody gets that reference or the DVD it comes off of, I might send you money), all are smaller guys who, without a doubt, can work. The move-putting-over in this match was better than stellar.

Somebody send John Cena a tape of this match and have him study it. And then have him study it some more. Donnie, if Cena learned to sell, would you give him the rub of an interview, and maybe even buy a bobble-head?

Okay, I will admit, and with no problem that the Sliced Bread #2/Powerbomb Tower of Doom was the best tag team finisher I have ever seen. Screw the Doomsday Device, the spike piledriver, the DDP/Kanyon powerbomb neck breaker, any move you can think of doesn’t hold a candle to the Hooligan Hangover. OOOOOOOOOHHHHH!.

I know I’ve been known to say it doesn’t make a drop of rat crap where on the card you are, but Jesus Christ, Edge and Chris Benoit appear less than an hour into the show? Somebody tell Michael P.S. Hayes that even though he may not think Benoit is top-tier talent, Edge is...and Benoit really is, so these guys should be closing the show. You got to love the way that Edge sold those first chops. The crazy eyes were awesome.

Due to the not-telling-the-referee-the-finish thing in advance, while I know it's for house shows, it appears that on TV it’s the same deal. From checking the shoulders to jumping out to tell Benoit that the leg was on the ropes, the officiating has been much better lately. This was one of the best matches on "SmackDown!" in a long time. A match contested as if it were the main event of a pay-per-view. Not quite WrestleMania caliber, but it could definitely have headlined any of the tri-branded BS PPV’s.

The ending sequence was done almost flawlessly. Both men had you believing that it was their night, their match, and their time to go over. The crippler cross-face was synched in and you just knew Edge would tap.

The shoulder into the ring post followed by a spear may have been a touch overdone but when it’s Edge and Benoit it doesn’t matter, because the match itself would outshine a schmoz ending. A solid Four Star O-worthy affair, between two insanely talented workers, who should be at the top of the card week after week month after month. Would it be too much to ask to sub Benoit for Batista at Vengeance?

Ashley got suspended. I wonder if that made Matt Hardy a little vexed, since his ex took the spotlight from his segment? You know I’m kidding right? Vince is awesome. I’m dead serious, if this man wanted to be in a movie, he’d be a leading man and have a little naked statue on his mantle.

I’m all about cool, Deuce and Domino so what’s up with this handicap match? Was it a filler match? I mean it was decent, but was it necessary? Sorry I didn’t really follow too much of this match, I was fixing me a samitch. I got back in time to see the sit down Bull Buchanan kick to the face. I’m not a big fan of any kick to the face finish, but whatever, it seems to be the E’s new prerogative. The new backstage interviewer doesn’t really seem to fit either. Not only because he seems like an ubergeek, but I liked Krystal doing the interviews a good bit better.

How long is MVP going to be considered the new United States Champion? I’ve been a pretty big MVP fan lately, but that promo was a little on the wack side. I’m a champion, I’m good looking, and I’m ridiculously rich, blah, blah, and blah. Whatever dude, go back to the good promos from a week ago and prior.

MVP VS. Roidtista is the main event? Yeah, I can see that...at the Special Olympics. I mean Benoit and Edge were on this card! Batista’s entrance is, by the way, the most retarded thing in history. It’s a step up from his bodybuilder routine, where he quite homosexually turned his leg and flexed his thighs, but the machine gun gimmick is stale as last months Dunkin' Donuts. Am I the only one that still O’s for Lil’ Naitch, or are there more closet CR fans? If Chris Jericho were to come back he could call MVP a "rhinestone cowboy", and that would indeed be over.

Anyway, onto the match. Batista used a good wrestling counter. It wasn’t the best looking drop toe hold, but it was effective and he fluidly went into some old school leg attacks. Speaking of legs - and JBL saying Batista’s was no longer taped - where is that new tattoo he was supposedly covering up?

Batista has shown some noticeable improvement lately. Maybe it’s the fact that he’s working with two of the best workers on the Down Smack. Nice bump by Batista with the big mafia kick from MVP in the turnbuckle. That was at least a small improvement in the move-putter-over category. I am going to go on record of putting this match over as a solid "SmackDown!" main event. As long as the BELT isn’t around the waist of Tista, I have no problem with him. He isn’t a great wrestler, or a great promo guy, but he isn’t the most terrible superstar, like I’ve said of him before.

He has had notable performances for both columns, but this is one of those in the "significantly better than Cena" category. MVP is getting a little too used to using his feet. He ain't exactly Rob Van Dam, but hey, whatever works for you dog.

A DQ for hitting a spear on Edge? In the words of Hurricane, "WHASSSUPWITDAT?". Is this more of the whole referee-doesn’t-know-the-finish deal? I would understand that, but still, I aint a big fan of the DQ without an actual opponent getting hit. Whatever, I also didn’t like that MVP just disappeared afterward with no more involvement in the match.

All in all, this week's "SmackDown"! was a solid show. Tha O’s and otherwise good stuff far outweighed the NO’s. Mark Henry was basically the only low point of the show, so hey, who is exactly going to complain? Not I. Well, this week's edition of D.J.B’s "Friday Night Fallout" has come and gone, we’ll catch you on the other side O-sters.

Quick results for those who missed it:
Mark Henry def. Boogeyman and Lil' Boogeyman got destroyed
London-Spanky-Yang def. Noble-Davari-Chavo
Edge def. Chris Benoit
Deuce and Domino def. Matt Hardy
Batista def. MVP via DQ

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